Post 10: Regrets

“Don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.” Words from a song I first heard in 6th grade, singing it with vindication at Camp Timberline, which hold so true in my life now. Currently, school is very much of a burden for me, and for many others. I resent having to wake up early, and I regret having to trek from class to class. To me, I feel as though most of the time, homework doesn’t help me learn anything, and I feel as though I’d learn much more if I just read the book myself and looked at the book’s examples than trying to learn sitting in class.

However, I’m almost definite that after I leave Punahou, that I will have many regrets. I’m almost certain that I will miss all the teachers I had, regardless of if I thought they were good or bad teachers at the time I was actually in their class. And, I’m almost sure that however much I hated a class at that time, I will miss the great times that I made out of it. I know this, for it has already started to happen: the past two summers I took Algebra 1, and Chemistry honors, of which, both had tests everyday. At the time, it was horrible: I had to waste my summers staying up late, stressing over grades, and I didn’t get to have fun that all the others around me were experiencing with a break from hard courses. Now that I look back on both of those classes, I miss both of my teachers, and I miss having that uncertainty before the test, trying to cram in the last studying possible five minutes before the test.

Right now, I dislike many courses. I hate staying up till the early hours of the morning studying for a test when all I want to do is sleep, and I hate getting that low test grade. However, perhaps I will learn to love those tests, those late nights, and every other seemingly negative aspect of these courses I have right now, as I once did before. Perhaps I feel nostalgic and I feel as though I want to go back to that time, yet this time around feeling positive about that class because looking back on it, I feel accomplished that I had enough dedication to finish the class. Perhaps, it gives me a chip on my shoulder, which I use to try harder on current tests and current adversities I have, staring them down and showing them what I’m capable of. The truth is, even if I was given the chance to go back and redo both those summer courses, I would not take that opportunity to improve my grade for either class, but rather, I’d rather relive the course how I once experienced it, since now I can appreciate it more.

It’s quite amazing when you can tell that you’re going to have regrets about courses and school before they’re going to happen. You may ask me, if I can see the problem, and what I have to do to solve the problem in the future, could I just fix the problem if I was just more appreciative of everything instead of just letting it pass by? Strangely, I do not think that I can, but I am fine with that harsh truth, for having to fight for that grade, having to study that hard for that test, makes it that much more enjoyable when you get that grade you want. I will live with regrets about school, and about courses and my grades in them, but I’m fine with that harsh truth. For one day, I’ll feel much more accomplished as a result of it.