Post 34: The Quintissential Colleges

Through the maelstrom of high school, there is one common goal: get into a good college. The two quintessential colleges, or in understandable terms, the two colleges whose acceptance to is so greatly desired, are MIT and Harvard (top and bottom images respectively).

Both Boston-ese in origin, one stacked high with monotonous red brick, the other an endless wave of lustrous metal. Both beautiful in its own way. Walk the empty halls and hear the whispers of noble prize winners resonate, inspiring you to work ever harder to reach your goal of being accepted. The decadent sound of a lecture, pages turning, erasers squeaking, pencils scribbling away. The hectic panic moments after checking if their own answer was correct, each arguing as if a mandate from a higher power was given which insured that their own answer was the only one correct. In the green lounge, laid sprawled across a cushion, keyboard clacking with fury compose the greatest papers our generation has to offer.

Here resides the greatest minds in America, in the world.

Truly, this is the epitome of glory, the definitive sense which encompasses all that is desired in a college. Truly, these are the two quintessential colleges.

Post 33: Lit Circle Post "Exodus"

On Friday we broke up into randomly assigned groups for a Literature circle discussion. My group mainly talked about the metaphorical value of how Leah, Adah, and Rachel were talking about Nathan's death. Having not read up to that point on Friday, I couldn't really answer this question, but what was interesting was that my other group members who had completed the reading couldn't contemplate their own metaphorical reason for mentioning Nathan's death.

After having read "Exodus", I believe that the three Price girls (well, at least formally known as Price) having visited Abomey, a desolate place where there are skulls encompassed in mud walls, among other things was very similar to Nathan's influence in Kilanga:

"We saw every one of these things- the tapestries depicting violent acts and the swords and knives and even a throne with human skulls attached to the bottoms of all four legs, plated with bronze like keepsake baby shoes!" (480).

During the course of their tour through this dank tomb, Leah and Adah break away from Rachel and the tour guide, for what Rachel presumes as wanting to experience these catacombs their own way, yet she overhears them talking about Nathan and his death. Since they told Rachel the entire story after this tour, where it was explained to them that women were forced into marriage with the King, who had multiple wives:

"They forced women into slave marriage with the King for the purpose of reproducing their babies at a high rate. One King would have, oh, fifty or a hundred wives, easy... To celebrate their occasions, he said, they'd just haul off and kill a bunch of their slaves, grind up all the blood and bones, and mix it up with mud for making more walls for their temples. And what's worse, whenever a King died, forty of his wives would have to be killed and buried with him!" (481).

To me, since this is a fictional novel, the sequence of events, or any event for that matter, having been chosen by the author, each plays a significance. Since the father's death was mentioned in the catacombs of Abomey, there must be a parallel between this King and the father. In my opinion, although Nathan's cause had good intentions as opposed to the King having self-centered intentions, both cases have similarities. Nathan, in trying to baptize children, lost them all to crocodiles, and as a result was killed because of this. Conversely, the King, when dying took many wives with him. Nathan is similar to the King because he tormented the people he was with when living: the King his wives, and Nathan his entire family.

What the underlying sense was from all three Price women was that they thought these rituals were weird. The ironic thing is, that when looking in from an impartial standpoint, parallels can be made between Nathan and the King, both influencing the lives of others yet not realizing their true detrimental impact. To me, what I can pull out of this is that customs are arbitrary to where you come from. To the Price family, these catacombs seem weird, yet to impartial, 21st century readers, their own lives seem obscure.

Post 32: "Bel and the Serpent": Playing the Devil's Advocate

The focal character of "The Poisonwood Bible" so far has been Nathan. Although his intentions are well intended, his method of trying to spread Christianity are unorthodox. By this I do not only mean that he tries to force religion on everybody without understanding their culture as Brother Fowles does, but also that he is willing to push aside his family's feelings for his own sake (and it is for his sake, since the reason he wants to baptize everybody in Kilanga is to wash himself of his "sins", if you will, as he is trying to baptize more people than men in his company who were killed). Even as his own daughter, Ruth May, was killed, after a short period of mourning and silence on his part, he was back out there baptizing children in the rain: "'The Lord spoke to the common people gathered at the well,' he said at last, in his old booming voice that allowed no corner for doubt" (373). This quote signifies how little pain he evidently felt from her death. To me, he is by far the worst preacher I've ever seen. However, playing the devil's advocate, I will try to prove that he is the best preacher in the world.

Now, some may say that being indifferent to your own child's death shows how little you cared about that child, and also how little regret you feel about coming to Kilanga is horrible since that was the sole reason that Ruth May was killed. However, I argue that that makes him the best preacher ever. The reason which I base this controversial stand on is that Nathan is so in touch with God that he realizes if God did not choose to protect her from that snake, good riddance! It's best that we be rid of a sinner in our family, Nathan would think. Also, relating this concept to a movie, "A Walk to Remember," when Jamie, Landon's newly wedded wife passes away, he states, "Her love is like the wind: I cannot see it but I can feel it." Perhaps Nathan thinks the same way about Ruth May, that she was finally freed from this world of sin. In this way, he is the most selfless preacher in the world, since he is willing to give up his child, trusting that God has a greater purpose for her.

You may argue that he is completely throwing aside his family's wanting to leave Kilanga and only caring about his own work. That is completely correct, for he knows that his family compared to the new, better, God influenced lives of those in Kilanga are much more important than his own family.

Hats off to Nathan, a man who truly understands what God wants him to do.

Post 31: Densha Otoko

The past couple of days, I have spent hour after hour watching a jdrama (Japanese drama) called Densha Otoko. The two main characters, Yamada (the guy), and Saori (the girl) were polar opposites in terms of personality at the beginning of the series: Yamada at age 23 still lived with his parents, had a job where he was not respected at all (and couldn't really do competently), and worst of all, he spent hundreds of dollars a week at Akihabara, buying DVDs, figurines from anime series, and with his friends, going to interviews of voice actors for anime, taking fetish pictures. The girl on the other hand, was very beautiful, exceedingly rich, and above all, very nice. They met on a train, both commuting back to their respective houses, because Yamada decided to stand up to a drunk man who was harassing her. He gets her number from a thank you package she sends him, and so they start meeting on a regular basis. Yamada, being oblivious as he was to emotions, and how to conduct himself around women, started writing on a single men's forum for advice. It seemed as though everybody was against Yamada, and Saori herself left him twice (though they were never officially going out). Additionally, two men were both trying to sabotage Yamada in the hopes of marrying Saori. The only people on his side were those who he had never met: those on the forum. Although I cannot convey these powerful emotions which Yamada went through in the roller coaster of feelings, the basic message I'm trying to convey is that for me watching this series, hope was rediscovered.

So how does this relate to my life?

The purpose of going to a school like Punahou is obvious. Although many of us are very involved with sports, clubs, and various other extracurricular activities, through the maelstrom of paths which we can take, the most evident purpose of going to Punahou is to get into a good college. Many times, I feel very discouraged by a bad grade, which somewhat ironically, worrying about that grade subsequently makes my other grades drop, as well as my overall confidence. Many times, during the course of the school year, I forget what hope is. When I study for a test as well as I possibly can, and still don't get the grade I wanted, why would I have any hope?

I guess what I've pulled out of Densha Otoko in regard to hope are three things:

1. When seemingly everybody else around you can do something correctly, whether it be on a test that I did poorly on, or a sport, the fact of the matter is that that person probably struggled as much as you did right now to get to where they are. At the end of the series, Densha Otoko was a much changed person, who when once carried himself with insecurity, carried himself with poise and confidence. Nothing is impossible, especially when you have many advocates, in Yamada's case, faceless advocates, but the best asset anyone could ever ask for.

2. If you really love something, there should be no doubt in your mind stopping you from trying at that subject, or in Yamada's case, trying to be with a person. After Saori had left Yamada the second time, for she discovered the forum and thought that he was invading her privacy (whereas he was really just trying to get advice because he cared about her so much), he left a message on her cell phone, telling her that he wanted to give her a birthday present. Since Saori had not invited Yamada to her party, he waited at a different spot, during a thunderstorm, for hours. She accidentally found where he was, and since it took so much strength to stand for hours on end in the rain, he collapsed when she came (and subsequently crushed the expensive present he bought her). In my opinion, this was quite a daunting feat to pull off. When I'm figuratively in the rain, after doing poorly on a test, it takes an even greater strength to stand than normally, for it is not certain that this undying behavior will be rewarded. However, if it pays off, all that time was worthwhile.

3. What you do, no matter how small it is, could be an inspiration to others. In the series, Yamada after being rejected the second time, left the forum. All of the regulars on the forum banded together to post fliers around Akihabara asking Yamada to come back to the forum. Yamada's story was such an inspiration to others, and they all wanted him to succeed so much, that after awhile, all of Akihabara was plastered in fliers. Even when watching an interview, his favorite voice actress says that she would have given up voice acting had it not been for Yamada. If Yamada at any time had given up, all he would have justified to those on the single's forum, and the rest of the world, is that no matter how hard you try, sometimes, things are truly impossible. Yamada's standing up in the face of adversity made me hope again.

Hope bands people together, and that lasts forever. Though we may take different paths in life, nobody can take away the great times, and the adversities we got through together. In two years, we will have to leave the community which has supported us for so many years, but the memories we have together can never be compromised. After Yamada got together with Saori, he had to say goodbye to the forum, as did the faceless advocates had to say goodbye to each other, crying all the way. Although they may never speak again, the memories which they share, and the message which they saw firsthand can never be taken away from them.

Post 30: SAT Practice Essay

This is an illegitimate question because as colleges become increasingly more competitive, it is necessary as a student to mold, assimilate, if you will to what society views as the best means to success. In fact, this essay in itself is a tribute to this fact, since all juniors are required to take the SAT as a common assessment to determine college admissions. However, it is because of this that students are slowly losing their own voice. To pose an analogy reiterating my stand, this issue is like baking a cake: sugar, or guidance, is needed and whipped cream, or the will of a specific student, is also needed, but with too much of either, the taste is too sweet.

In fact, many successes have come out of defying this world of assimilation. For example, Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard to start Microsoft. Had he assimilated to what his intuition, his parents, his teachers, and the world told him; that a college education is necessary to have a good life, to succeed; we might have computers which take up an entire room even today, consequently being years behind the current technology we possess.

However, it would be naïve of me to think that dropping out of school would be the right path to take. Contrary to my belief that students must have their own voice and find things out for themselves, I also believe that if we all had no guidance, there would be an inevitable drop off in intelligence and the will to work hard in school. At my school, we are forced to take a certain amount of credits for each type of course. Had I not taken some courses, my GPA would be higher, as would my current self confidence, but without being forced to learn these subjects, I would not be as complete a person today, nor would I have developed interest in some fields I would’ve otherwise merely assumed to be boring.

I recently saw a commercial for a pill company, stating elements which defied certain substances. I saw the abbreviated element name as Hu, which does not exist. “Hu”? I thought to myself. What could that be? Evidently, Hu stood for “the human element.” The commercial proclaimed that nothing was more powerful than the human element. Through this essay, I have found myself; my human element: through learning new things coupled with your own voice, only then can there exist intelligence. I believe that with no guidance combined with no self initiative would yield no ambiguity among all of us. The question was not illegitimate, but rather, my thinking was. Only in a world where teachers and students both have their own say in matters can there be anybody truly learned.

Post 29: Literal and Metaphorical Interpretation of a Quote

Throughout the book, each character seems to evolve and form their own voice. This voice is characterized by the events which each character experiences. For instance, when Rachel witnesses Leah shooting down an antelope, and proceed to skin the antelope, "starting out by slitting itts belly and peeling back the skin over its back with horrible ripping sounds" (350), Rachel decided to become a vegetarian (though that was short lived). Orleanna was once a happy woman married to Nathan, which all changed when he decided to salvage as many souls as men died in his platoon during WWII. Leah, once thinking her father's words were all true, and that he was a benevolent man, now completely defies him, calling him ugly, and saying that it is hard to believe she ever believed anything he said was true. The only character which I think does not change throughout the book is Nathan, who even shortly after Ruth May died started baptizing kids playing in the long-awaited rain: "'The Lord spoke to the common people gathered at the well,' he said at last, in his old booming voice that allowed no corner for doubt" (373). What father who dragged his family unwillingly to the Congo for over a year and a half (and counting), would be that indifferent to his child's death? What father who ever loses a child, no matter what the cause or where it happened would be so emotionless about it?

To me, one quote from "Bel and the Serpent," can wrap up many themes in the book centered primarily around Nathan. This takes place when Ruth May had recently passed away, and was laid out on a pseudo altar which Nelson constructed in the Price's yard, wrapped in a shroud of mosquito netting:

"Several women from the village had already come. Mama Mwanza arrived first, with her daughters. A few at a time, the others followed. They fell down at the edge of our yard when they came, and walked on their knees to the table. All of them had lost children before, it dawned on me through my shock. Our suffering now was no greater than theirs had been, no more real or tragic. No different" (370-371).

Literally, Ruth May had passed away, and many of the villagers went to pay their respects, and shortly after sing a mournful bilala song. Metaphorically speaking, this wraps up the family's ignorance to what is truly painful. The whole time the family resided in Kilanga thus far, they have witnessed death, which has been so nonchalantly narrated. Although I would certainly contradict this myself, they have all complained about non-necessities, such as a cake mix for Rachel's 16th birthday, or Rachel breaking her mirror. When compared to the first glimpses of each character's personality, this quote shows the maturity which all of them have gained through hardships, but more so of Nathan's arrogance which resonates throughout the book. Nathan's daughter had just died, and people who he has insulted for being naked when they remained ignorant that the Bible prohibits this kind of behavior mourn the loss of his child more than him. Nathan stood up for himself when he remained ignorant that the villagers are resistant to getting baptized in the river because a small girl was eaten by a crocodile previously. I see no difference in these two situations, yet from a non-biased standpoint, in Nathan's view of things, he is completely blameless for this ignorance. For once, Nathan is correct: he actually is blameless for this ignorance of his, but what gives him the right to put down others with the same ignorance toward the Bible? Similarly, as Nathan has never lost a family member before, he didn't realize how much it hurt until it actually happened. I haven't ever heard Nathan give condolences to anyone who has lost a family member before, yet when he loses one, he finally is silenced from his preaching.

Nathan may think that he has the best view of the world, for God will guide him, and God's teaching will govern his actions, but nay, he out of everybody he's accused of being ignorant remains the best example of ignorance himself.

Post 28: Mosquito Coast and PB Comparison

After watching "The Mosquito Coast" and reading "The Poisonwood Bible," there are several undeniable differences. Both take place in a rural village far away from the grasps of America. Both Nathan and Allie are determined that they can provide a much more, for lack of a better word, prosperous life for all of the villagers. In this way, both Nathan and Allie are both blind that their style of executing this message, or method of conveying this information are their detriment. Obviously, both fathers alienate their own families from them as the book and movie proceeds. At one point, the younger son and the older son who narrated in "The Mosquito Coast" stated "I wish he would die already". Although nobody in the Price family would be rash enough to say that, Orleanna has previously talked about how the hardest thing to do everyday was to decide whether to stay with the family or leave. Even Leah, Nathan's biggest advocate starts to miss her lifestyle in the U.S. Conversely, the differences between both the movie and the book are somewhat more subtle.

Nathan and Allie's reason for leaving the U.S differed. Allie was fed up with what America has become. In the opening minutes of the movie, he mocked along the lines of, "The land of opportunity? This is just an oversized trash dump." Nathan on the other hand leaves America determined to "save souls," from their pagan worshiping. Interestingly enough, near the end of "The Mosquito Coast," Allie and his family on their boat-house come across an enclave of Christian missionaries in a village. When Allie and his eldest son entered the church the missionaries built, they watched a television with the minister giving a rather interesting attempt to incorporate technology into a sermon. After watching for a couple of minutes, Allie, disgusted with the electricity used to run the television as well as the fans in the church, as well as the message being conveyed scoffed and walked out of the church. Later, this encounter resulted in Allie burning down the church (with people still inside of it, mind you), and stealing gasoline from the missionaries. What was interesting about this to me is that if Nathan saw Allie burn down a church, he would be infuriated. Similarly, I think that if Nathan came across the village which Allie bought, he would tell Allie that this was all blasphemous, and that he should not force this ice technology (or as Allie himself puts it, that ice is indicative of civilization), on villagers happy with their current lifestyle. Allie and Nathan both stand for causes which have good intentions, yet both of them don't agree with what the other is doing (presumably, Nathan wouldn't Allie is doing). In this way, from my point of view, it is fine to present a point of view, such as religion, but when you try to force it on someone, you become your own detriment. This is because as seen with differing points of view on religion in "The Poisonwood Bible," and "The Mosquito Coast," you yourself might just be blind to how negatively you convey your own message, or how non-comprehendably and culturally outlandish your viewpoint may be.

Post 27: "The Judges" Reflection

"The Judges" is probably the chapter which tests the family the most thus far. Ruth May contracts malaria, the village is swarmed with countless numbers of nsongonya (or ants), Tata Ndu wanting to marry Rachel forces her into a relationship of mixed feelings with Mr. Axelroot, and most of all, Nathan pushes on with his mission of a Christian Kilanga, ignoring the plane out of Kilanga since Belgium gave into a Republic Congo. The thing which puzzles me the most is why Nathan either is oblivious to this, or blames it on each of the family members. For example, when Orleanna became pregnant, it was her fault: "He was profoundly embarrassed by my pregnancies. To his way of thinking they were unearned blessings, and furthermore each one thinking they were unearned blessings, and furthermore each one drew God's attention anew to my having a vagina and his having a penis and the fact we'd laid them near enough together to conceive a child" (198).

Another thing which Nathan seems to do is similar to the Nostradamus effect. By this, I mean that he makes claims such as if the villagers don't do anything they will be punished by God, or something of that sort, and then if something coincidentally happens in such a way where Nathan's point is supported, it would seem as though God actually was on his side. The best example I can think of off the top of my head would be in "The Revelations," where when Adah was "spared" by the lion, more people started going to church. Nathan could claim that it was her undying belief in God which saved her, which he probably would not find out was true or not for I doubt he'd have the patience to have her write down the account of what happened or listen to her explanation extensively from a family member. Similarly, Nostradamus wrote prophecies which didn't get fufilled until hundreds of years later. Being a skeptic, I ask if he was truely writing prophecies, why could he not write a date? Why could people not point out that event occurring before it happened? Some people claim Nostradamus predicted the terrorist attack on 9/11. If he truly predicted this, why couldn't people prevent this attack? Similarly, why can't Nathan state that "if you believe in God, even lions cannot kill you," or something of that sort?

I think that Nathan would reply that God works in his own way. However, when the village gets swarmed by ants, or when hoards of people and households die from the kakakaka, why does God not save them? Even if they worship pagan Gods, why would a truly loving God sacrifice people to influence people to worship him? What do you think Nathan would say?

Post 26: Chernobyl

Today in chemistry, we watched a very disturbing video about nuclear power, and the aftermath of the meltdown of the nuclear reactor in Chernobyl in 1986. Watching the video was a very surreal experience, and just made me feel as though I was the luckiest person in the world, and that grades weren't that big a deal anymore. An analogy which I came up with to express how I felt after watching that video is: watching a video where every child had defects, and the fact that chances of their getting a disease, or a cancer being hundreds of times higher than normal, everything about my life seemed as though I was the most fortunate person in the world. It was like finding a $20 bill wadded up in the back of my pants after I put it through the wash: it was always there, yet discovering that I had that $20 made me feel lucky, just as I have had the same privileges, and opportunities which most people in the world do not get, just rediscovered.

This made me think about the essential questions: 1. What kind of world is this?, and 2. How should I live in it? It seems as though the more I think about these two questions, I come further away from the answer. Once, someone told me that they felt sorry for me because I seemed to have more tests than anyone else. I replied by saying that it only seemed that way because I complained about having tests more than anybody else. This week, I've complained about having five tests (six actually, including that quiz in English today). I've complained about having to play that singles match in tennis on only 3 hours of sleep. However, after watching a video where every child either could not think rationally, or had their organs growing outside of their body, impossible to be removed by surgery (obviously, since someone couldn't live without their brain or kidneys), I am completely humbled. One of the saddest lines in the video was something along the lines of, "It's not that we don't know how to do the surgery, but rather, that we don't have enough money to do it." So, I decided I'd give it a shot, and I started a group on facebook where I'll donate $1 to some organization or orphanage supporting the victims of Chernobyl. I guess I'll see how many people in this world have a heart.

Going back to the essential questions, the only thing I'm sure of about this world is that it is beyond reason unfair. People are punished who haven't been born yet. The way I want to live in this world is by some form helping others. I just wish I was able to have a louder voice in this world with a cacophony of opposing views.

Post 25: Lexicographer for "The Revelations"

Though it's not my assigned job, I like to keep track of these anyway. Can't hurt to learn new vocabulary. The format is the same as last time: word (page number) * (asterisk indicating if the word appears more than once).

precipice (90): a very steep or overhanging place or a hazardous situation
litany (90): a prayer with a series of invocations and supplications by the leader
foray (92):a sudden or irregular invasion or attack for war or spoils
travail (93): work especially of a painful or laborious nature
teresly (94): smoothly elegant
rectified (103): to set right
succor (120): something that furnishes relief
putative (125): something that furnishes relief
manioc (137): any of several American plants of the spurge family grown in the tropics

Post 24: Playing the Devil's Advocate, "The Revelations"

Student elections were today. Well, the preliminaries at least. Although I didn't have to run, two good friends of mine "lost". It made me remember what they had to go through, and it made it so that all of that trouble they went through didn't matter at all. I'd have to say that the most daunting thing to do is to get up in front of that podium, in front of 450 or so people. I just realized today that no matter what you say up there: whether you say you think you're the best choice, or whether you say you want to represent the class, it could all come off as arrogant. If you say why you're the best choice, it's obvious why it might seem arrogant, and if you say you want to represent the class, it could make it seem like you think you have good judgment: good enough to govern and represent what 420 students want. This concept got me to thinking about Nathan: Personally, I think Nathan is a bit arrogant; he thinks that he can "save" these "savage" people, even to the extent of thinking it is his obligation to help the "less fortunate". All of this seems very condescending to me. However, I'm going to try play the devil's advocate in this post.

We never hear Nathan's voice in the book. This obviously skews our image of him in a negative way. I think that Nathan is arrogant, and I'm pretty sure the rest of his family does as well. However, similar to my theory about campaign speeches, who is really being arrogant here? When we, the readers, and the rest of his family judge Nathan, isn't this saying that we think we do not do these things (after all, we ARE critiquing them). I'm sure that I have made some of the mistakes which Nathan has, and it's easy to criticize others, and if anyone criticized me of being arrogant (which as I stated above, I'm kind of acting that way anyway), I would just agree what they said without truly taking it into account, and without trying to improve my behavior. Although I try my best not to be, I'm sure lots of people think I'm very arrogant.

I guess what I've learned from this post is that it's always easier to critique others, where we ourselves often make the same mistakes. We should always keep that in mind before talking negatively about other's actions, and I'll try to keep it in mind while reading "The Poisonwood Bible".

Post 23: Lit Figure 8s

On Friday, in our Lit Figure 8 groups, we were told to come up with a defining moment, or a character which influences the whole course of the book. My group chose Nathan, and our example was when Nathan released both Methuselah and Mama Tabatha. The following quote is the father showing his frustration upon hearing the reason why nobody would get baptized in the river, since a young girl from the village got eaten by a crocodile prior to the family's arrival:

"'I fail to understand,' he said, "why it would take six months to inform me of that simple fact'" (81). Although it was clear that the father couldn't find many people in Kilanga who willingly took up Christianity (as seen by how he had to have a picnic in the hopes of attracting hungry villagers to get baptized), it became apparent more and more through the chapters how turned off of Christianity, and even more so, him the villagers were. In this post, I'd like to further expand and provide additional examples of not only how losing Mama Tabatha was much more of a big deal than Nathan thought it was, but also how Nathan, without realizing it, is the focal-character to hate in the book.

Currently, from where I am in "Revelations," every character, including devout, Father-loving (pun intended) Leah. Orleanna, Nathan's wife, seems to interact with everybody the least. She secretly despises being in Kilanga, and does things behind the Father's back, such as posting pictures in the kitchen of celebrities (although, evidently, the father would never go through the kitchen to discover this "contraband"). This quote illustrates how she believes that this whole journey to "help" these Kilanga-ians is a mistake, and not only that, but how her even marrying Nathan was a mistake:

"I wondered, Are we lost right now without knowing it? It had already happened so many times in my life ( my wedding day comes to mind) that I thought I was out of the woods, not realizing I'd merely paused on the edge of another narrow precipice in the midst of a long, long fall" (90). Not only does this quote imply that she made so many mistakes already (among which, marrying Nathan), but additionally, that she is perpetually falling lower and lower. Actually, there are multiple other ocassions where Orleanna speaks out against Nathan in this chapter, talking about how she misses coffee more than him, and also how the hardest thing to do everyday was deciding whether to stay with the family or not. Such a big burden was put on her when Mama Tabatha left, since she was assimilated to what precautions to take before eating any food, and how to do things in the Congo. To make a simple metaphor, it is almost like Nathan is preaching to deaf people, for they do not absorb what he is saying, at least in a positive way, and Mama Tabatha is like the family's only translator for how to do things with these deaf people: now that she's gone, their life becomes that much harder.

In the proceeding chapter, Leah talks about how she met a boy named Pascal, who the mother condoned her being around, and how Nathan would not approve of such a boy. It seems ironic to me how Nathan can't see past the skin of someone when from what I can remember from the Bible, it teaches equality. Leah speaks out against the father, because she wishes that she could relate to Pascal, and not be trapped in this different world, a more "sophisticated" world:

"For the first time ever I felt a stirring of anger against my father for making me a white preacher's child from Georgia" (115). Leah feels completely out of place in Kilanga, yet she wishes she could be one of them. It will be interesting to see how this little blemish in Leah's initially picture perfect view of her father could turn out in.

Although Ruth May is too influenced by her father, and therefore cannot take such a bold stand herself against him in her section, she notes how the father aggravates the doctor she had to see since she broke her arm. There was an irking quote in Ruth May's section where the doctor told Nathan exactly why Nathan was there. Up to this point, it seemed that Nathan going to Kilanga was something he felt was a good thing to do; to spread Christianity. However, the doctor tells us otherwise:

"'And you, my friend, are stuck with the job of trying to make amens" (121). I'm not sure if my assumption is correct, but if it is, "amens" is a pun for amends, whose reference is in making amends with the Africans since it is 1960, when the civil rights movements are taking place. As a tie-in to something earlier, it's interesting that Nathan is ignorant to racial equality.

What I personally think about Nathan right now is that he is trying to spread Christianity to benefit himself: to make himself feel better and as though he is helping people. In other words, I don't think he is spreading Christianity to the Kilanga people to benefit their lives, but only to benefit his. It'll be very interesting to see how all of this animosity toward Nathan plays out with everybody in Kilanga, and with Nathan's own family starting to hate him.

Post 22: 8th Grade

I'm not sure what it is about today, but I'm feeling very reminiscent. Maybe it's because I'm listening to a song which Carrie Underwood sang when I was in 8th grade, or maybe it's because back then I actually had the luxury to watch T.V. on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, so I was able to see that song being performed.

Personally, right now, I'm scared about school. Everything that happens here, in high school, is reflected on what kind of college I get into (which, contrary to what I implied in a previous post, I actually do care about). It's daunting to think that this week, I will have 4 tests, one which is worth 1/3 of my quarter grade for math. It's really frightening when it's a one shot deal, and that all of that studying you did is meaningless unless you get a good grade. Back in 8th grade, all of my teachers were completely non-intimidating. Here in the academy, especially in math, it's kind of like we just get the material thrown at us: if some of us can do it, great, but if not, well that's just too bad for all of us. In 8th grade, it seemed as though the teachers for math and science taught for getting the students to understand, whereas more increasingly, it seems as though the teachers teach because they have to, and don't care much about how the students do. In 8th grade, everything seemed more knit together, as though everyone in each team was part of a tapestry which without a single thread; without a single person, would be incomplete.

In the academy, it feels to me as though if one student is missing, and cannot complete that tapestry, another student is right there to pick up to fill that spot you left. In other words, in middle school, I felt as if everyone had a voice, and that everyone contributed, and helped each other out, whereas now, those who once helped each other are now corrupted by math curves, or are just too busy with their own lives, and too concerned with getting into that one college that they throw aside others, in turn, throwing away the most important thing: friendship. For, even if someone gets into the best college, if they had nobody to celebrate with, for if they alienated everybody around them in order to do just a little better, they are the ones who truly have nothing.

I guess that's why I miss 8th grade, because working together in school, and doing well in school were directly related, whereas now, sometimes you have to throw away friends to accomplish what you really want. The tapestry of my team, 8Y is comprised of individual threads now, as everyone has gone their separate ways. It seems as though everything which happens after 8th grade is just a drawn out goodbye to friends: for all the friends I had in 8th grade, I saw all of them less in 9th grade, and slowly we all distanced from each other, mostly because there were a lack of breaks. Now, in 10th grade, everyone hangs out in their own cliques, further severing any connection I had with those friends. When we all graduate, we'll see each other at most in the summer, and at Christmas. After college, we're all in the real world, and if I saw any friend even once a month, I'd be surprised.

I wish I could go back, not to redo 8th grade, and not to improve on everything I did in 8th grade, but rather, to relive the whole experience, for now, not having these individuals working together anymore, and now, not being able to retain the friends I had back then, I can appreciate those times when I had all of that even more. One day, I'll say the same thing about the academy, and consequently, the same thing about college, and that's one of the most depressing thoughts I've ever had.

Post 21: My School through the eyes of Orleanna

I had a bad dream last night. I dreamed that I moved through the thicket of Kilanga, through imposing vines vying for sunlight and water, through the gigantic and eclipsing trees, of which there are so many types anyone would think it is a collection of exotic plants. As I pushed my way through this greenery, this forest which eats itself in an endless cycle of rebirth, I saw an unusual sight.

I took a step forward out of mud, and for the first time in months, I felt the sensation of scorching cement! I would've shrieked from the pain had I not been so relieved to see the comforts I felt back home: running water that isn't from a well or pump! Bathrooms! I waited every minute in Kilanga for this moment where I could use all these everyday appliances I took for granted before! I've never told anyone this before, but for all the time I was in Kilanga, I carried a small knife with me, whose blade was about 4 inches long. This was for the purpose of having the luxury of slitting my wrists at any time, which releases endomorphisms into my blood stream. At the sight of this haven, of western items, and buildings, I threw down my knife.

Why couldn't Nathan come to his senses; does he not miss all of this? I saw a group of children: one working on homework, the others talking. Most of them didn't have blond hair as I do, but rather have black or dark brown hair. I hadn't seen anyone like them before, but they smiled at me and waved. It was a very surreal experience, where I was looking back on the life I could once have lived: in a contemporary environment, instead of the real environment where all but nothing was taken from me, my daughters, our lives. I walked over to a building, and looked inside a window. To my shock, I gazed into a window and saw our little house in Kilanga, complete with mud walls and mud floor, and multiple beds all with mosquito netting around them. I shook my head; this couldn't be true! When I gazed back inside, I was relieved to see a classroom where a teacher was pointing at something which seemed like a chalkboard, yet it was white, and when the teacher wrote, the ink which resided after the "chalk" passed was dark blue. I nonchalantly took a closer look at the teacher, for it seemed as though it was someone I knew. I couldn't tell since he kept showing his back to me. I shrieked out loud this time, when that man turned to face me. It was Nathan, and he smiled at me. I was torn back from this personal paradise of mine, where I had my life back? I was flung back into my bed, sweating profusely in horror of this dream being over. I felt the dry mosquito netting encompassing my bed. I sighed deeply, lifted the net up, put on my slippers, and walked slowly and reminiscently OUTSIDE to get myself a drink of water.

Why must I have these bad dreams; nightmares of getting out of this horrible place? Why must I have these dreams of hope, when here there resides none? I wish I had my knife back.

Post 20: College

In the beginning of the movie "A Beautiful Mind," a professor at Princeton talked to the incoming class.

"Mathematicians won the war. Mathematicians broke the Japanese codes... and built the A-bomb. Mathematicians... like you. The stated goal of the Soviets is global Communism. In medicine or economics, in technology or space, battle lines are being drawn. To triumph, we need results. Publishable, applicable results. Now who among you will be the next Morse? The next Einstein? Who among you will be the vanguard of democracy, freedom, and discovery? Today, we bequeath America's future into your able hands. Welcome to Princeton, gentlemen."

Ironically, though I had no intention of doing so, this quote has some distant ties to "The Singer Solution for World Poverty," in that it talks about how when you are given something, it is your obligation to use it properly and to not abuse it. I've talked about this topic in various other posts, so on to the point I intended to make.

Here at Punahou, though everyone likes to have fun, or rather, their own idea of fun, Punahou is primarily just a prep-school, intended for turning teenagers into functioning college students. On that note, here I sit, chemistry books and AP exam study books piled around me, papers written in Japanese, Math-ese, and English all alike tickling the bottom of my feet, crinkling to their demise, yet always holding out. The clock ticks twice as fast as it should, especially as the hours grow late proceeded by those of early. We're in hell.

At times like these, where I am piled in over my head in work, with any little annoyance and every little extra obligation piled and spilled over on my plate, I wonder if all this work, if all these honors courses, AP courses, are really worth this extra work, or if they're just extraneous. I watched my sister battle her way through high school, and watched all those extra courses and extra hours at school participating in various clubs pay off. Why did it seem as though all that work didn't phase her at all? Why was it that all the work she did for school always yielded a result and always seemed pragmatic?

What does college really do for you? I mean, whether you graduate a lawyer from Harvard, or a lawyer from UH (not that I'm implying anything about UH), you still have the same degree, and you still have the same status out there in the real world. So what is the purpose of spending more money to get just a status of going to a top university?

As I see applications come back, negative for the top schools, or even those who I believe to be very much qualified to top universities not even apply to top schools, for having the mindset that it was impossible for them, a part of me wants to give up, but a part of me wants to try even harder. For some reason, I believe that all my efforts now will not be for naught. Am I just deluding myself in the fake fantasy of ME getting into what I consider to be a good school?

Perhaps it is an obligation which we all have to perform to our best abilities. After all, WE, the students, are not the ones paying upwards of 15 grand a year for an education; we are the ones who have the privilege of getting a good high school education, or even an education at all. At this point, the papers clinging to the bottom of my feet don't seem to phase me as much. The papers huddled around me don't seem as intimidating. The onslaught of an endless cycle of sleep, homework, school, sports, and any other obligation, leading right back to homework every time doesn't seem as daunting. Perhaps, I have come to peace with my obligations.

Why is it that all that work seemed so easy for my sister and many other past seniors I knew seem to be so hard in penchant difficulty? Maybe, that it just seemed that way, and my sister and all those other seniors had to struggle just as much to become who they are and to get into where they are now. Maybe, it was just an act: to stare tests and other seemingly impossible projects, papers, and homework in the face. Maybe, by doing this, that is the reason why they can deal with adversity so efficiently, not letting the dire-ness of the situation knock their concentration out of line.

I walk off into the cold, stormy unknown with my head held high, staring down all the adversity in my life in the eyes.

Bring it on.

Post 19: This I Believe podcast

This is my link to my "This I Believe" podcast. It was actually a very frustrating process for me: I had to record it on my computer, where the quality came out bad, so I bought a cheap microphone, where the quality was just a tad better. It automatically saves as a Windows Media File, aka .wma. I had to download a trial version of a converter to convert the .wma file to .mp3. Also, now, pod0matic says that my recording has to be reformatted and they will inform me of when this happens. For whenever that happens, here's the link:

http://tknogk.podomatic.com/

Post 18: Obligations

Today, the best tennis player at Punahou was in risk of losing. This past Tuesday, he had won the first set, 6-4, and while up a break of serve, and up 4-2, yet he lost the second set 4-6. He was up a break, 1-0 in the third. He was injured, and so this match was taking a lot longer than we anticipated it would take. The other kid was good, if not very arrogant and conceited. More specifically, the other kid was arguably the number 2 or 3 player in the state. So, I guess everyone on varsity accepted the fact it was possible that the match would be hard from the start, but we were all surprised. Luckily, since it rained, the match was postponed till this Thursday, today. Evidently, the number one won 5 straight games to close out the match.

After the match, I got a necessary talk from the number one, the captain of the team. It's quite admirable to see a captain of the team take it on himself to address problems individual problems for teammates. I mean, I'm not trying to sound arrogant or anything, because I know anytime I play him, if I get any games I'm lucky, but in a sense he is creating more competition for himself. It's admirable to see someone who cares more about the well-being of the team, than for self glory. The talk was about what he thought was the difference between how he played on Tuesday, and today. He said the difference was that on Tuesday, he was making excuses for not playing very well- he complained about his back and such, but today, he sucked it up, didn't make excuses, and essentially wanted to put this guy in his place. He asked me what I thought about the night before I play this other guy. I admitted that I hated this guy. I told the captain that this guy thinks that he's better than anyone else. And, that I really do hate to play him. The number one said that that was what he thought.

What he said to me, I cannot fully recall. What I do remember from that conversation, what I took away from it the most, is that it is an obligation to your school, to your teammates, to your coaches, and to everyone who's ever helped you, to perform however well you can. I'll admit that I didn't want to play him, but right now, I'm fired up. I want to play the jerk on the other team now. I realize that contrary to his belief, tennis is not everything. I actually pity him now. Even if he was the best player in the world, and if he won every tournament he entered, it would be meaningless if he alienated everyone who ever helped him get to that point, as he is doing right now with his attitude problem. If he had nobody to share his success with, then all that means is that he truly is a self-centered jerk, doing it for personal glory. He doesn't care about his teammates at all, so even if I lost to him, I wouldn't really consider it a loss. Rather, I would have given him a moment of glory, in his petty life, whereas in mine, where I am surrounded by great friends and teachers, I feel much more fulfilled. In this sense, I want to represent all who supported me on the way here, even those who are not in my life anymore, by beating this kid.

"And I'll tell you this. In any fight, it's the guy that's willing to die, that will win that inch." Peace with Inches, delivered by Al Pachino.

For my teammates, not for my own self-glorification, I am willing to die for that inch, which could make all the difference.

Post 17: Poisonwood Figure 8 #1 (Genesis)

Today, we met in our discussion groups consisting of 4-5 people per group to discuss "Genesis," from, "The Poisonwood Bible." My group first established each of the characters, and their voices in the book. We described Rachel as not belonging in the family (since the rest of the family are devout Christians, with the father being a priest), Ruth May as being innocent (well, she's a 5 year old, so she'll believe everything told to her, even when her friend said the tribes in Africa would attack her). The only thing we said about Leah was that we thought that even though her twin sister, Adah, is mute, that we think Adah is much smarter. (Alex pointed out that Adah could come up with a verse correctly whereas her twin sister could not, and I pointed out how Adah came up with various palindromes).

Now that I look at how I just described Rachel, perhaps she is the lone copper person among four gold petroglyphs on the cover?

The next thing my discussion group talked about was what we thought the Kilanga residents would react to the father trying to convert all of them to Christianity. I said that I thought he would repel them from religion since even when he first came to Kilanga, he criticized them to ideals of the Bible they were ignorant to. I added that the family even had to have a picnic to increase attendance to sermons. Alex added on that he thought the father's garden was a foreshadowing to what he thinks the response will be for the Kilanga residents: the father's garden thrived in the U.S., but when in Africa, he had to succumb to growing a garden in a way where the conditions around the garden supported it.

All in all, I think we had a great discussion today, and the discussion made me realize several things about the book thus far that I had not noticed previously.

Post 16: A 10 minute reflection on my SAT essay

My essay was definitely disorganized: I started off with a definite statement and halfway through writing the essay, I realized that I knew of examples where I did not think that the media affects me personally. Therefore, I started off with one statement yet ended with a compromising statement. When I changed my view midway through the essay, I should have gone back and revised my essay statement on what I believed in. My Asian history teacher, Mr. Kakos, used the analogy of a funnel as the first paragraph: you have to lead the reader in the right direction and funnel down to specific examples in which your body paragraphs. Using this analogy, I guess what you could say I did was I had two funnels, and therefore could not guide the grader of my essay in the right direction- having only three minutes, the grader would probably get frustrated because it would be confusing, resulting in a low score.

Aside from that, I also think that I need to have better transitions between paragraphs: I support one point and then suddenly just play the devil's advocate, and contradict everything I'd just said. This would make sense if I declared I was going to do this in my introduction paragraph, but since I did not, the reader would be confused.

I think I also need to incorporate either more vivid descriptions (without sounding like I'm trying to impress the grader too much), and more descriptive vocabulary. As my essay is right now, there would be nothing stand out about it: there would be nothing to catch the reader's attention both point wise and description wise. I would probably receive a low score because of this.

It was an eye opener to take the perspective of the grader of the essay, where time is of the essence and therefore, essays must be graded accordingly.

Post 15: Lexicographer for Book One: Genesis

Format: *= word was seen twice, **= word was seen three times, etc.
(_) page number inside parentheses

brindled (1): having obscure dark streaks or flecks on a usually gray or tawny ground
copulation (1): noun form of: to engage in sexual intercourse
imperious (1): befitting or characteristic of one of eminent rank or attainments
: intensely compelling
confederated (13): to band together
contingency*(14): event or condition
: an event (as an emergency) that may but is not certain to occur
flout (15): to indulge in scornful behavior
surmise (16): a thought or idea based on scanty evidence
pandemony(23): (sp? I looked it up again in the book and it's spelled this way, yet there are no entries found in my dictionary). (probably related to:) pandemonium: hell
katydid (28): any of various large green American long-horned grasshoppers
edification (33): the act of instructing and improving, especially in moral and religious knowledge
dubious (33): of doubtful promise or outcome
gallimaufry (34): hodgepodge
aphasia (34): loss or impairment of the power to use or comprehend words usually resulting from brain damage
parable (39): a usually short fictitious story that illustrates a moral attitude or a religious principle
penance (42): an act of self-abasement, mortification, or devotion performed to show sorrow or repentance for sin
pestilence (58): a contagious or infectious epidemic disease that is virulent and devastating
desultory (59): marked by lack of definite plan, regularity, or purpose
castigated (59): to subject to severe punishment, reproof, or criticism
latent (61): present and capable of becoming though not now visible, obvious, active, or symptomatic
deluge* (61, 63): an overflowing of the land by water
palpitated (67): to beat rapidly and strongly
regaled (68): to entertain sumptuously
enema (69): the injection of liquid into the intestine by way of the anus
finagled (69): to obtain by trickery
putrefaction (70): the decomposition of organic matter
bedraggled (71): to wet thoroughly
bovine (73): ox-like, cow-like
putative (74): commonly accepted or supposed
: assumed to exist or to have existed
semaphore (74): an apparatus for visual signaling

Post 14: SAT Practice Essay

This is from an SAT practice essay:

I believe that the media definitely impacts my sense of what is good and what is not. Oftentimes, when I watch TV, I do homework during commercial breaks. That obviously, is because I intend to watch the show and not the commercials since the show is more interesting. However, I won't lie to you. The commercials which do catch my attention the most are those which have that hot model, or with that really fast, luxurious car. This is because the media, and the society we live in says that these things are cool, or are hot. Honestly, if that model was overweight, I'd probably be disgusted by the commercial; maybe switch the channel, or even be turned off of that product. There's a voice in my head which tells me being this judgmental on looks alone is a bad thing to do. I mean, I don't know that lady: I've never talked to her, or got to know her, and the size of her waist doesn't change her personality or anything. However, that voice in my head is silenced by the cacophony of media advertisements and what the media tells me is right.

Conversely, there are situations when I do not believe the media can affect my sense of what is right and wrong. An example of this is video games. Many times, the media has said video games distort a person and make them do gruesome things. Joe Lieberman has openly discouraged young children, or even teenagers from playing "gory" video games. His speaking out, along with many parents across the country have definitely influenced my mother. "Turn off that video game!" she shrieks across the house. I however, do not think that the media really gets to me. I think that no matter how gruesome the game, I can still play it without being affected.

What I've come to believe through this essay is that us, the viewers of the media, always have a say in what to believe. Even if most of the country conforms to commercials about hot women, fast cars, and the negative influence of video games, when it comes down to it, is it really better to fit in, or do what you think is the right thing? I know that I want to follow what I believe in life, but maybe I am just not mature enough yet to see past that waist, or that car, and so I lay onslaught with the same commercials, evoking the response from me intended by that company.

Post 13: Reflection

When I first opened this blog, I was asked to pose the essentials questions we are exploring in sophomore English. Those questions were: 1. What kind of a world is this?, and 2. How should I live in it? Through many posts about philanthropy, and through the, "This I Believe" statement we had to record, I have began to find my own voice and values.

I'm not sure if I will ever find an answer to these essential questions. I am not sure if I will ever discover who I am, and what I believe in. Currently, I believe that my problems are petty compared to many other's problems in the world. Recently, my tennis coach had to quit his job to take care after his mother who was diagnosed with cancer. Additionally, Mr. Johnson, a teacher beloved by many passed away on the boat trip. I used to think that my life was unfair: that I should be taller, or that I shouldn't have any teachers I don't want to have, or that my family should be better off financially. However, it's become apparent to me that all of these problems which I thought I had were worthless compared to everything else negatively affecting the world today. At the point when I realized my prior ignorance to what problems really are, and what is just my extravagance, I felt worthless; as though I could not make a difference in the world. I saw these unfair things happening, and I couldn't do anything about it.

Conversely, now, my thinking has began to change. Perhaps, if you made a difference in just one life, or just a hundred lives, that difference; that legacy that those people take from it could make all the difference in their lives. At this point, currently, I almost think of it as an obligation to help others, even if I do not think it will make a difference. I realize how privileged we are at Punahou, and I know that all of us will one day be able to accomplish great things. I feel the obligation to try make a difference in other's lives (not for self satisfaction of course, but rather), because I know that if I make a difference in someone's life, that I was not the first to be able to make that difference. In other words, I want to honor someone underprivileged who could have accomplished the same feat I did of helping someone, since I know that that person could've made the same difference, and in that sense, I do not want to squander the opportunities I have that they do not.

Post 12: "Peace With Inches"

One of the rituals I have before I play an important tennis match is to listen to a speech from, "Any Given Sunday," recited by Al Pachino. Here is the most momentous part of the speech in my opinion:

"You find out life's just a game of inches. So's football. Because in either game, life or football, the margin for error is so small. I mean, one half a step too late or too early and you don't quite make it. One half second too slow or too fast and you don't quite catch it. The inches we need are everywhere around us. They're in every break of the game, every minute, every second. On this team we fight for that inch. On this team we tear ourselves and everyone else around us to pieces for that inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch. Because we know when we add up all those inches, that's gonna make the *censored* difference between winning and losing... I'll tell you this, in any fight, it's the guy who's willing to die who's gonna win that inch."

Throughout tryouts, this speech resonated in my mind. Honestly, this tryout yielded a lot of pressure on me in the last two matches, since both matches were directly related to my rank on the team for the rest of the year. Last year, since I was a freshman trying out for the first time, it was as though all the pressure was on the other players; the returning players. However, this year, since I was returning, I let the pressure get to me, which resulted in sub-par performance. However, the biggest difference between how I played in tryouts this year and how I played in tryouts last year was how I played on the big points, such as "no-ad" deuces. Last year, when I would win 2/5, this time around, I won 4/5. Two points is the difference between winning the set 6-4 and losing the set 4-6. Inch by inch, I had to work hard to win those matches.

My coach told me that tournaments are won months before they are played. He has never really explained it to me why this is so, but I think that this is because the mentality which someone has all the time determines how well they do, and how much they improve.

Post 11: Description of the Academy Quad

Ants creep up the non-placid surface, crevice by crevice, inch by inch. Trees as wide and tall as some buildings, reach out to touch the sky. The tree is encompassed by a semi circular, condescending step-like pattern: brushed designs on the concrete on top, with porous lava rocks residing underneath.

This tree in the quad I just described can be related to the community at Punahou. The tree resembles everything which transverses here. The tree is reaching out into the community, pulling in students regardless of background. Here at Punahou, we are all equals. Regardless of status, if we want to succeed, we all have to work equally hard. In that way, we are like the ants, working up the tree. From the bottom, the daunting height of the tree seems impossible to scale, but as we assist each other, we become capable of many things we wouldn't be able to accomplish without each other's assistance. Whether trekking a tree as a mere ant, or doing everything possible to get into a top college, if nothing else, I hope that what I will leave behind at Punahou is helping the community improve as much as I can. Right now, I am at the bottom of a seemingly insurmountable tree. But hopefully by working together, one day I will be able to look down at the accomplishment I achieved. And it all starts with an inch.

Post 10: Regrets

“Don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.” Words from a song I first heard in 6th grade, singing it with vindication at Camp Timberline, which hold so true in my life now. Currently, school is very much of a burden for me, and for many others. I resent having to wake up early, and I regret having to trek from class to class. To me, I feel as though most of the time, homework doesn’t help me learn anything, and I feel as though I’d learn much more if I just read the book myself and looked at the book’s examples than trying to learn sitting in class.

However, I’m almost definite that after I leave Punahou, that I will have many regrets. I’m almost certain that I will miss all the teachers I had, regardless of if I thought they were good or bad teachers at the time I was actually in their class. And, I’m almost sure that however much I hated a class at that time, I will miss the great times that I made out of it. I know this, for it has already started to happen: the past two summers I took Algebra 1, and Chemistry honors, of which, both had tests everyday. At the time, it was horrible: I had to waste my summers staying up late, stressing over grades, and I didn’t get to have fun that all the others around me were experiencing with a break from hard courses. Now that I look back on both of those classes, I miss both of my teachers, and I miss having that uncertainty before the test, trying to cram in the last studying possible five minutes before the test.

Right now, I dislike many courses. I hate staying up till the early hours of the morning studying for a test when all I want to do is sleep, and I hate getting that low test grade. However, perhaps I will learn to love those tests, those late nights, and every other seemingly negative aspect of these courses I have right now, as I once did before. Perhaps I feel nostalgic and I feel as though I want to go back to that time, yet this time around feeling positive about that class because looking back on it, I feel accomplished that I had enough dedication to finish the class. Perhaps, it gives me a chip on my shoulder, which I use to try harder on current tests and current adversities I have, staring them down and showing them what I’m capable of. The truth is, even if I was given the chance to go back and redo both those summer courses, I would not take that opportunity to improve my grade for either class, but rather, I’d rather relive the course how I once experienced it, since now I can appreciate it more.

It’s quite amazing when you can tell that you’re going to have regrets about courses and school before they’re going to happen. You may ask me, if I can see the problem, and what I have to do to solve the problem in the future, could I just fix the problem if I was just more appreciative of everything instead of just letting it pass by? Strangely, I do not think that I can, but I am fine with that harsh truth, for having to fight for that grade, having to study that hard for that test, makes it that much more enjoyable when you get that grade you want. I will live with regrets about school, and about courses and my grades in them, but I’m fine with that harsh truth. For one day, I’ll feel much more accomplished as a result of it.

Post 9: "This I Believe" full essay

Revised on 2/24 to correct two spelling errors:

I believe in hope. Recently, I watched the movie, "The Pianist." Szpilman, a Jewish pianist residing in Poland in the midst of World War II, nearly averted death multiple times. It's ironic that I should use a depressing movie where seemingly everything goes wrong to exemplify hope. The matter of fact is that it was only when even hoping for survival was futile: when Szpilman's entire family was sent to a concentration camp, when he ran out of food and water for days at a time, when his hope; his vindication to live shined through prior adversity.

It would be naïve of me to think that any of my problems can be compared to Szpilman’s story of hope, but when I have that bad match in tennis, hope, and never giving up is what pulls me through. The only thing which keeps me going is that voice in my head which tells me, “Never give up: if you try harder on the next point, you’ll be back on track to win. I’ve got this.”

Through my experiences in tennis, hope has been what has made me win tough matches. At the end of every tennis season, there is a tournament among the 60 best players in the state. Last year, I was the only freshman in the quarterfinals, and I was playing a tight match against a junior. I had won the first set, 6-4, and in the second set, I was down 4-5, and in that game, 15-40. What was worse is that we were playing “no-ad,” which, to put it simply, meant that my opponent had three consecutive points in which he could win the set. Since we had already spent over two hours straight battling in the relentless, blazing sun, I was ready to fight like I’d never fought before for those three points. I took a step back and took three deep breaths: in through my nose, holding each for five seconds while gently shutting my eyes, and exhaling through my mouth. I reluctantly swiveled around, opened my eyes, and was greeted by reality: the crowd, which my court was encompassed in, was now on their feet in anticipation, without a single person cheering for me. My opponent bounced the ball twice, tossed it up, and smacked it. The seemingly fastest serve I had ever seen was heading straight toward me. My body froze in shock and my legs did not budge. Just as the ball was about to pass me, I told myself, “Never give up: if you try hard on this point, you’ll be back on track to win. I’ve got this.” At the last moment, I lunged toward the ball, barely getting my racquet on it. The shot flew a few feet above the net toward my opponent. He sprinted to the ball and pummeled it into the other corner. Running as fast as I could, I barely got to the ball again, just being able to tap it over the net. However, this time, my opponent missed the “put-away” shot. Discouraged by this point, he played the next two points carelessly, missing shots by wide margins. I brought the score up to 5-5. I knew that I had him now: his head was hanging, and he threw his racquet at the fence, resulting in a loud reverberating clank. With this new-found confidence, I was able to win the proceeding two games, and take the set, 7-5, and the entire match as well.

Sometimes, hope is lurking just around the corner, or just past that one shot. Who would have guessed that getting just one more ball back could lead to my opponent losing his cool? Who would have known that hoping for the best, and not giving up; just hoping for one break to pull myself out of a daunting situation could lead to winning the set, and the match? Perhaps, before that tennis match, the voice in my head telling me to get one more shot back, and to win one more point, was just a mere mantra which I recited to myself, believing the words of my coaches. However, after that experience, I genuinely know how much hope can result in. And it all starts with a one more step, for that one point. “Never give up: if you try harder on the next point, you’ll be back on track to win. I’ve got this.”

Post 8: "This I Believe" Ideas

I believe in dreams.

I believe in hope. Recently I watched the movie, "The Pianist." Szpilman, the main character in the movie, nearly averted death multiple times. It's interesting that I should bring up such a depressing movie where seemingly everything goes wrong to talk about hope. The matter of fact is that it was only when there was no hope: when Szpilman's entire family gets sent to a concentration camp, and when he ran out of food and water for days at a time where his hope; his vindiction to live shined through the darkness. I complain about getting that bad math grade, or about not getting that present which I really wanted for Christmas. It was humbling to see someone who had nothing not complain about what he did not have, but rather appreciated everything which was given to him.

"Perhaps they're lucky. The quicker the better." -I'll write a reflection on that quote from "The Pianist" later.

Any suggestions or comments are much appreciated!

Post 7: Reflection on a Quote

"Dark and difficult times lie ahead. Soon we must all face the choice between what is right what is easy. But remember this, you have friends here. You're not alone." -Dumbledore, "The Goblet of Fire".

I love this quote because I can relate to it on so many levels. Daunting tasks such as school, sports, in my case tennis, and extracurricular activities are easy to neglect. After taking a test, the easiest thing to do is to take a night off, or to watch T.V. for a couple of hours before starting the next in what seems to be a perpetual workload of homework. The notion of doing what's right hardly has to be related to being a hero such as Harry, ridding the world of evil. In my case, doing the right thing would be taking care of my obligations with responsibility, and being able to resist neglecting my homework during that hour break, or forcing myself to not goon AIM that one night before that big math test. It's hard to do, but I remind myself that at the end of the day, ultimately, I'll be that much better off opposed to if I neglected studying. The same holds true for coming home, most days around 6:45 or 7:00, after tennis practice or a match, and having to dive right into a seemingly insurmountable pile of homework, and on top of that, expected to get the same grades as everybody else with less obligations are getting.

Even heroes such as Harry and Dumbledore face adversity. In fact, their actions in face of adversity are what define them as the heroes we know them as. Life is the same way: if there were no such thing as challenges, and no such thing as tests, we might've lived in a boring world of mediocrity. After hearing this quote, I'd like to think that I'll from now on welcome adversity with a smile.

Post 6: "I Believe" Response

The three, “I Believe” essays which I listened to were: : “Be Cool,” by Christian Mc.Bride, “Untold Stories of Kindness,” by Ernesto Haibi, and “We’re all Different in Our Own Ways,” by Joshua Yuchasz.

“Be Cool,” was about how stressed out people are now days and how Christian thinks people need to cool down more. “Untold Stories of Kindness,” was written by an American soldier who had to fight in Iraq. This story was the most moving for me, because Haibi talked about how Iraqi citizens were willing to help out in fights when there were no police, Iraqi military, and in short, no authority around to help, when over 100 people died from car bombs. Haibi talked about how he thought people shouldn’t only work together when there is an imminent danger, which is what he experienced in Iraq. “We’re all Different in Our Own Ways,” was about how a Godzilla obsession Yuchasz has had since 3rd grade has made him ostracized every year. These three essays were on topics which had near to no similarities. The only thing I could think of was that they all had to do with treating others with more decency.

I thought of, “The Singer Solution To World Poverty,” when I heard “Untold Stories of Kindness.” This was because “TSSTWP” mentions how it is an obligation to help others and when you don’t, it’s more like just killing that person. Since “Untold Stories of Kindness,” mentioned how everybody, regardless of beliefs or religion started working together to save lives of others, that was when the imminent need for action to be taken set in. It supported Singer’s idea of how most people will only say that action needs to be taken when they are there, watching that kid of the train tracks get run over, and not when hundreds of thousands, if not hundreds of millions of children die everyday from avoidable, and somewhat affordable costs.

There were no real contradictions I could think of between any of the essays and any of the other written pieces we have discussed in English this semester. It was particularly hard to even find a similarity.

Post 5: Ponderings

With a combination from Death Note, my favorite manga and anime series at the moment, and my dream in life (though however impossible it may be, it is still my dream and goal!), I came up with a hypothetical situation where I would be in the control of many lives. This situation pertains to many recurring topics which we've had in English this first cycle.

I want to major in either chemistry or chemical engineering. Chemical engineering, from my understanding of it, can be used to create enzymes and that kind of thing, which has been used to control certain types of cancer with a single pill a day. The enzyme holds the cancer cell in place so that it is impossible for the cell to perform mitosis, which controls both the cell and the spread of the cell throughout the body (Note: this may be slightly off, I'm just reciting what I remember from a video in Biology last year).

So, my goal and dream is to create different enzymes to control different types of cancer. (Yes, now you probably understand when I previously mentioned that my goals and dreams were somewhat, if not completely unobtainable).

The reason why this relates to what we've been discussing in english, is because aside from possibly winning awards and grants offering somewhat substantial amounts of money, you would have a patent on the pills for 10-15 years, and would be able to extort it, by selling the pills for as high as you want, since you have a monopoly on the product and since anybody who had that certain type of cancer would pretty much be willing to pay any price to save their life. There are many poor people out there who have cancer. Jacking up the prices for those who don't have health insurance (which evidently is a major percentage of American and World citizens), would have to pay hundreds if not thousands of dollars for even a single bottle. This deals with the issue of if it is an obligation to help others who are in need: according to "The Singer Solution to World Poverty," you'd essentially be killing whoever could not pay for the drug you made, since you'd be denying people you'd fully be aware that were in need of the drug the drug, and eventually, their lives.

If you kept the price of the drug up, then you would make hundreds of millions of dollars, but would be killing hundreds of thousands of people. Now, being greedy, I would propose something like exploiting the drug, and then using all that money made from the drug and donating it to charities worldwide. However, most benefactors (in my opinion) donate to make themselves feel good: they donate to either get their name on a building or have conditions in which they themselves are recognized for that good deed. If the drug were exploited, and if much of the money WAS donated to charities, that would still not deny the fact that you'd be killing hundreds of thousands of people every year. So, what if you adjusted the price based on a person's need (that is, if you somehow got through thousands of applications for it)? You'd still make money on those with health insurance and rich people who could pay for the whole drug themselves. However, this would induce the sense of prejudicism against minorities and against rich people. It would also be naive and arrogant to think that I would be able to pass rightous judgement concerning people's lives.

I guess all that I've discovered from this debate with myself is that equality is impossible and that you cannot satify everybody. Would you be a rich killer, or a poor hero? I guess that'd be something to ponder if (and that's one of the biggest "if"s in the world) that day miraculously comes.

Post 4: Contradictions Without Conclusions

In class we recently read "The Singer Solution to World Poverty," and we were partway through reading "The Gift," speaking about Kravinsky's unconditional generosity to people he barely knew. A similarity between the two essays was that they both propose that if you knowingly do not donate, and even if you do donate, it was not as much as you were able to donate, that you are killing someone. In other words, both essays are conveying that giving back to the community and to those in need is an obligation.

There are times in life where I feel very insignificant, almost as if I do not have a voice in this seemingly boundless world. A speaker came to chapel today. Unfortunately I didn't remember her name, but her story was very inspirational. She talked to our grade about how lucky we truly are to be in a learning environment with vast resources; that is, even books which we everyday take for granted cannot be adequetely supplied to public schools. Even though she is just one of over 6 billion voices in the world, her difference to the world, to however little people it affected, was significant. This lead to a question that I pondered: what is more important: saving a child's life, where an education is not secured, or provide children with a 2nd grade reading level when they should be at a 6th grade reading level with an adequete education? Which is more important to address?: one is local and national while the other problem is primarily international. Is it an obligation to donate money to international countries when the problems nationally are obvliously more related to us?

"Do you think about your dream when you are falling down? Do you think about your dream when nobody believes you?" -Middle of Nowhere by Ellegarden. Growing up is scary. I do not want to imagine a world where my dreams cannot come true, even if I try as hard as I can. In this stage of my life, my primary goal is to get into one of the top colleges in the country. In fact, I'd imagine that that'd be most people's goals who are my age, since we all are going to a prep school. Grades came out today, and almost needlessly to say, they were a letdown, not that that should be a suprise after two semesters of prior grades which negate my dream of getting into a top college. Do I think about my dreams when I am falling down? Sure, and most of the time, it makes me try harder. Usually, it gives me a sense of vindiction: almost as though I have something to prove. But after two semesters of disappointment, with more and more added to boot, the dream becomes less and less plausible, and the picture becomes grayer every time.

How many regrets will I live with in two years, after the acceptances and rejections get slammed in my face, through all my other obligations? Will I live in a world of what ifs?

Post 3: Questions for "TSSTWP", and Video Response: "4 Generations"

Today in class we discussed “The Singer Solution to World Poverty,” this time not trying to fit together slivers of the entire essay, but rather establishing what kind of thoughts Singer was trying to convey to the reader, and how he went about that. After having a class discussion, we were instructed to jot down a couple questions which we thought were raised in this essay. The questions which I thought the essay was imploring were: 1. Is it okay to remain silent while others are suffering? 2. Is it an obligation to help others? 3. Is allowing something to occur the same as doing it yourself?

Our homework was to watch the video, “4 Generations- The Water Buffalo Movie.” The similarities between this movie and “The Singer Solution to World Poverty,” were very apparent: The cost of a water buffalo is $250, and it helps farmers to unsettle the dirt in their farms, making the soil more fertile. Additionally it can serve as a family’s food supply for a full half year. As mentioned in “TSSTWP,” the cost of saving a child’s life and sustaining them for 4 years is $200. Both donations help support children and adults alike, when they themselves cannot make a living. Both donations give hope to those who forgot the humanity of those who are much more fortunate than they are. And, both donations remind us of how fortunate we ourselves are, to remember those necessities we take for granted that much of the rest of the world doesn’t have.

Integrating the questions I believe that Singer tried to explore can be related to “4 Generations.” “Is it an obligations to help others?” Certainly if I or the director of this movie, Thompson, were oblivious to all of this, we would not be able to take action to address the poverty problem in China, and how a mere gift of a water buffalo, costing just shy of a 5th generation iPod could support a family in so many ways. More specifically, we would not even know what the problem was. If we are oblivious to what we could do, and then say, a Chinese family died just because they did not have a water buffalo to supply food for those 6 months, are we still at fault?

Let me pose a hypothetical situation: Suppose I possessed only $250 dollars to donate. Would I donate $200 to help a sickly 2 year old grow to a healthy 6 year old, or would I buy a water buffalo for a poor farming family in rural China? Since Singer claimed that we are all in the situation of choosing between the life of an innocent child, and our own luxury, or in the hypothetical situation I posed, since we are all in the situation of having to choose between an innocent child’s life, or an innocent, poor family in rural China, choosing one over the other would detrimentally affect the other. That is, if I chose to donate my money to the Chinese family, the child I did not choose to donate to would probably die, and if I chose to donate the money to the child, the Chinese family would keep having to fend for themselves; even when family members passed away or when family members committed suicide. In other words, no matter what I did, I’d still have to kill someone, since Singer states that allowing something to happen is the same as doing it. “(Bob) must have thought how extraordinarily unlucky he was to be placed in a situation in which he must choose between the life of an innocent child and the sacrifice of most of his savings. But he was not unlucky at all. We are all in that situation.” (Singer, 4). From what Singer said, allowing a child to die because you weren’t willing to make that $200 donation, is the same as letting that child get run over by a train: only you would benefit. Therefore, is Singer not killing someone as well, if he could not donate to both the child AND the Chinese family?

"The Singer Solution to World Poverty" Response

What kind of world is this? How should I live in it? Prior to reading “The Singer Solution to World Poverty,” I might have replied that perhaps I feel that I am a good person for donating that $10 at alternative gift giving as opposed to buying a material present for a friend, who would almost undoubtedly forget about it a year, if not a month, or even days after they received it from me. I mean, it’s probably more than most people do right? It’s a smart, right? Little did I know how drastically this article would change my views on giving.

The article starts off with a short antidote about a retired schoolteacher, Dora, and how she had the choice between benefiting herself, having an opportunity to gain $1000 in delivering a helpless boy to be slaughtered, or protecting the boy yet not gaining anything from it; perhaps at most, a sense of dignity and morality. Singer was quick to point out how many of us, had Dora chose to sacrifice the young boy for personal gain would have been harsh critics of her, accusing her to be inhumane and perhaps even calling her a monster. However, if we looked at ourselves in that same situation; that is, if we looked in the mirror and if we were actually in that situation, not judging someone else’s actions, as that is very easy to do, but rather if we were offered a thousand dollars, in exchange for being ignorant to a child’s life, would we really not take that cash? It is very likely that most people would still not take the money, as they would still look at it as being immoral. Yet, if I may pose an even different situation, what if the amount of money being offered to you is even more substantial? What if you were offered $10,000? $100,000? Could any of us honestly say that we wouldn’t think about sacrificing the boy, who probably does not have a future, at least a future that would be affable? This relates to the hypothetical story which Peter Unger presented in his book, “Living High and Letting Die”:

Bob had most of his finances invested in a Bugatti, an uninsured, very pricey car. He parked on a train track, which was diverted so that the train would be forced to go in the opposite direction. When he saw a small child playing on the track, on the track the train was diverted into, he could’ve switched the track by pressing a switch so that his Bugatti would get totaled, but the child would be saved. In this situation, the author presented Bob deciding that his car was worth more than the child’s life, and let the child die. The first time I read that short story through, I thought to myself: What a conceited guy. Who does he think he is? Had he been that child playing on the tracks, oblivious to the approaching train, wouldn’t he have been eternally grateful to that man who saved his life? Unfortunately, the author offered me a mirror to look at myself in. Unger states that an amount of money we all take for granted, though possibly substantial if you were looking to buy an iPod or another small item which was not a necessity; that a mere $200, could support a child for 4 years, making that child into a healthy individual. “By his calculation, $200 in donations would help a sickly 2-year-old transform into a healthy 6-year-old…” (2, Singer).

I thought to myself: Wow, that’s really great and all, but I personally don’t have $200 to invest in something like saving a child’s life, no matter how priceless that may be. Singer, seemingly unwilling to accept my stubbornness on this matter, continued to delve deeper into Bob’s situation. Singer posed a slightly different situation, asking that if Bob had something substantial to lose himself with the car; say his toe, foot, or even his entire leg, would his choice to not divert the train in order to save his car, (and now his toe, foot, or leg) become more justified? Would most people not criticize Bob had this been the situation?

Singer proceeded the point out that most people would argue that they shouldn’t do more of their share if they donate, since nobody else does. I know personally that I might regret a decision of donating money to charity and then being teased for not having a big TV, or not having a better computer. I myself still stood firmly on my position: I probably did more than most people last year, putting aside $10 for charity (even though it had a partially ulterior motive to it).

Singer was relentless: he pointed out how much regret we should feel spending money on luxuries that could be spent on saving a child’s life. How we should feel fulfilled that we helped another person’s life. The lines which truly made me stop and think were in the last paragraph. Singer pointed out how since we, the reader, have now been well educated about how much a relatively small amount of money can do, to the point that neglecting it would be no better than watching the child get run over by the train. It became obvious that helping a child by donating a mere $200 was not much of a choice, but rather, an obligation we all have. Singer turned me, an innocent reader, into the monster.

“When Bob first grasped the dilemma that faced him as he stood by that railway switch, he must have thought how extraordinarily unlucky he was to be placed in a situation in which he must choose between the life of an innocent child and the sacrifice of most of his savings. But he was not unlucky at all. We are all in that situation.” (4, Singer).

To offer an opinion about what this world is like and how we should live in it: the world is a place where even the smallest effort can make a huge difference. We may think that our actions go unseen, but even if they are, it shouldn’t matter. Bob may have thought that sacrificing his expensive car to save someone’s life; someone who wouldn’t even know their life was saved by Bob, would be not much compensation for such a big sacrifice on his part. However, in my opinion, the true spirit of giving is when the donor remains unknown to whoever receives their donation; whether it is their life or $200, so that the donor doesn’t give to make themselves feel better and be recognized as a charitable person. But rather, giving without wanting recognition so that the donation was in the spirit of helping the person, and not just to make themselves feel good.

Explanations

Wow my first post... I'm kind of nervous. Well... not really I just thought that'd make it more dramatic. Ah! Of course! Where ARE my manners... my name is Kevin Caulfield and I'm a sophomore at Punahou. So why tknogk? tknogk was a name I came up with playing a game (I think it was lumines for the PSP), where I only had 6 characters to fill in a sn (screen name), in the highly unlikely case that I somehow made it onto the high scores list. If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm really weird and I like gadgets, in particular, mp3 players, cell phones, and computers. You could probably ask me anything about mp3 players and I'd be able to answer it... yeah... I'm THAT weird... So I figured my sn should be a reflection of who I am, so tknogk= technology geek.

The other thing I really love to do is read manga/ watch anime. Right now, I'm really into Death Note (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_note- but be careful! There's tons of spoilers in that!!!), and what the series is about is pretty much self explanatory: there's a notebook called a Death Note which can be used to kill other people by whatever means you desire. It may sound very draconian, but the owner used it to kill criminals, which he thought was justice. But what is justice? L, the best detective in the world, wants to catch Light, the main character, in the name of justice. Ah... well I went a little overboard explaining that, but it's such a great series that I want everyone to get into it as I am right now. I actually somewhat surprisingly buy it (unlike most, if not all, the audio and video content I have on my computer), whereas everyone else reads it at the bookstore or downloads it.
http://www.stoptazmo.com/death_note/
Wow where did that link come from? I CERTAINLY didn't put it there.....*looks around nervously*. The only reason why I'm using this now is because the next issue comes out in March... and it's just THAT good haha. Also, I've always been a huge fan of One Piece. I actually have 291 episodes of it downloaded o_0... and probably about another 300 episodes of other series. I... am just getting weirder by the moment aren't I...

Hmm... what else...My favorite subject is chemistry, because it's fun to make things catch on fire. Today I actually got to make flaming snowballs, which is make from 1 part Saturated Calcium Acetate and 9 parts denatured alcohol. It's really fun to play around with, but obviously dangerous if your hands aren't wet. I'll try taking a picture of that if I do it again :)

Well... I'm getting really bored about talking about myself actually. I'll post more things later I guess. If anyone wants to talk, my sn for aim is: kc10splayer
I don't really have a story behind that one other than I play tennis, but hey... I was in 8th grade when I made it, so I don't have to have a logical rationale for it :)