Post 22: 8th Grade

I'm not sure what it is about today, but I'm feeling very reminiscent. Maybe it's because I'm listening to a song which Carrie Underwood sang when I was in 8th grade, or maybe it's because back then I actually had the luxury to watch T.V. on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, so I was able to see that song being performed.

Personally, right now, I'm scared about school. Everything that happens here, in high school, is reflected on what kind of college I get into (which, contrary to what I implied in a previous post, I actually do care about). It's daunting to think that this week, I will have 4 tests, one which is worth 1/3 of my quarter grade for math. It's really frightening when it's a one shot deal, and that all of that studying you did is meaningless unless you get a good grade. Back in 8th grade, all of my teachers were completely non-intimidating. Here in the academy, especially in math, it's kind of like we just get the material thrown at us: if some of us can do it, great, but if not, well that's just too bad for all of us. In 8th grade, it seemed as though the teachers for math and science taught for getting the students to understand, whereas more increasingly, it seems as though the teachers teach because they have to, and don't care much about how the students do. In 8th grade, everything seemed more knit together, as though everyone in each team was part of a tapestry which without a single thread; without a single person, would be incomplete.

In the academy, it feels to me as though if one student is missing, and cannot complete that tapestry, another student is right there to pick up to fill that spot you left. In other words, in middle school, I felt as if everyone had a voice, and that everyone contributed, and helped each other out, whereas now, those who once helped each other are now corrupted by math curves, or are just too busy with their own lives, and too concerned with getting into that one college that they throw aside others, in turn, throwing away the most important thing: friendship. For, even if someone gets into the best college, if they had nobody to celebrate with, for if they alienated everybody around them in order to do just a little better, they are the ones who truly have nothing.

I guess that's why I miss 8th grade, because working together in school, and doing well in school were directly related, whereas now, sometimes you have to throw away friends to accomplish what you really want. The tapestry of my team, 8Y is comprised of individual threads now, as everyone has gone their separate ways. It seems as though everything which happens after 8th grade is just a drawn out goodbye to friends: for all the friends I had in 8th grade, I saw all of them less in 9th grade, and slowly we all distanced from each other, mostly because there were a lack of breaks. Now, in 10th grade, everyone hangs out in their own cliques, further severing any connection I had with those friends. When we all graduate, we'll see each other at most in the summer, and at Christmas. After college, we're all in the real world, and if I saw any friend even once a month, I'd be surprised.

I wish I could go back, not to redo 8th grade, and not to improve on everything I did in 8th grade, but rather, to relive the whole experience, for now, not having these individuals working together anymore, and now, not being able to retain the friends I had back then, I can appreciate those times when I had all of that even more. One day, I'll say the same thing about the academy, and consequently, the same thing about college, and that's one of the most depressing thoughts I've ever had.