Post 27: "The Judges" Reflection

"The Judges" is probably the chapter which tests the family the most thus far. Ruth May contracts malaria, the village is swarmed with countless numbers of nsongonya (or ants), Tata Ndu wanting to marry Rachel forces her into a relationship of mixed feelings with Mr. Axelroot, and most of all, Nathan pushes on with his mission of a Christian Kilanga, ignoring the plane out of Kilanga since Belgium gave into a Republic Congo. The thing which puzzles me the most is why Nathan either is oblivious to this, or blames it on each of the family members. For example, when Orleanna became pregnant, it was her fault: "He was profoundly embarrassed by my pregnancies. To his way of thinking they were unearned blessings, and furthermore each one thinking they were unearned blessings, and furthermore each one drew God's attention anew to my having a vagina and his having a penis and the fact we'd laid them near enough together to conceive a child" (198).

Another thing which Nathan seems to do is similar to the Nostradamus effect. By this, I mean that he makes claims such as if the villagers don't do anything they will be punished by God, or something of that sort, and then if something coincidentally happens in such a way where Nathan's point is supported, it would seem as though God actually was on his side. The best example I can think of off the top of my head would be in "The Revelations," where when Adah was "spared" by the lion, more people started going to church. Nathan could claim that it was her undying belief in God which saved her, which he probably would not find out was true or not for I doubt he'd have the patience to have her write down the account of what happened or listen to her explanation extensively from a family member. Similarly, Nostradamus wrote prophecies which didn't get fufilled until hundreds of years later. Being a skeptic, I ask if he was truely writing prophecies, why could he not write a date? Why could people not point out that event occurring before it happened? Some people claim Nostradamus predicted the terrorist attack on 9/11. If he truly predicted this, why couldn't people prevent this attack? Similarly, why can't Nathan state that "if you believe in God, even lions cannot kill you," or something of that sort?

I think that Nathan would reply that God works in his own way. However, when the village gets swarmed by ants, or when hoards of people and households die from the kakakaka, why does God not save them? Even if they worship pagan Gods, why would a truly loving God sacrifice people to influence people to worship him? What do you think Nathan would say?

Post 26: Chernobyl

Today in chemistry, we watched a very disturbing video about nuclear power, and the aftermath of the meltdown of the nuclear reactor in Chernobyl in 1986. Watching the video was a very surreal experience, and just made me feel as though I was the luckiest person in the world, and that grades weren't that big a deal anymore. An analogy which I came up with to express how I felt after watching that video is: watching a video where every child had defects, and the fact that chances of their getting a disease, or a cancer being hundreds of times higher than normal, everything about my life seemed as though I was the most fortunate person in the world. It was like finding a $20 bill wadded up in the back of my pants after I put it through the wash: it was always there, yet discovering that I had that $20 made me feel lucky, just as I have had the same privileges, and opportunities which most people in the world do not get, just rediscovered.

This made me think about the essential questions: 1. What kind of world is this?, and 2. How should I live in it? It seems as though the more I think about these two questions, I come further away from the answer. Once, someone told me that they felt sorry for me because I seemed to have more tests than anyone else. I replied by saying that it only seemed that way because I complained about having tests more than anybody else. This week, I've complained about having five tests (six actually, including that quiz in English today). I've complained about having to play that singles match in tennis on only 3 hours of sleep. However, after watching a video where every child either could not think rationally, or had their organs growing outside of their body, impossible to be removed by surgery (obviously, since someone couldn't live without their brain or kidneys), I am completely humbled. One of the saddest lines in the video was something along the lines of, "It's not that we don't know how to do the surgery, but rather, that we don't have enough money to do it." So, I decided I'd give it a shot, and I started a group on facebook where I'll donate $1 to some organization or orphanage supporting the victims of Chernobyl. I guess I'll see how many people in this world have a heart.

Going back to the essential questions, the only thing I'm sure of about this world is that it is beyond reason unfair. People are punished who haven't been born yet. The way I want to live in this world is by some form helping others. I just wish I was able to have a louder voice in this world with a cacophony of opposing views.

Post 25: Lexicographer for "The Revelations"

Though it's not my assigned job, I like to keep track of these anyway. Can't hurt to learn new vocabulary. The format is the same as last time: word (page number) * (asterisk indicating if the word appears more than once).

precipice (90): a very steep or overhanging place or a hazardous situation
litany (90): a prayer with a series of invocations and supplications by the leader
foray (92):a sudden or irregular invasion or attack for war or spoils
travail (93): work especially of a painful or laborious nature
teresly (94): smoothly elegant
rectified (103): to set right
succor (120): something that furnishes relief
putative (125): something that furnishes relief
manioc (137): any of several American plants of the spurge family grown in the tropics

Post 24: Playing the Devil's Advocate, "The Revelations"

Student elections were today. Well, the preliminaries at least. Although I didn't have to run, two good friends of mine "lost". It made me remember what they had to go through, and it made it so that all of that trouble they went through didn't matter at all. I'd have to say that the most daunting thing to do is to get up in front of that podium, in front of 450 or so people. I just realized today that no matter what you say up there: whether you say you think you're the best choice, or whether you say you want to represent the class, it could all come off as arrogant. If you say why you're the best choice, it's obvious why it might seem arrogant, and if you say you want to represent the class, it could make it seem like you think you have good judgment: good enough to govern and represent what 420 students want. This concept got me to thinking about Nathan: Personally, I think Nathan is a bit arrogant; he thinks that he can "save" these "savage" people, even to the extent of thinking it is his obligation to help the "less fortunate". All of this seems very condescending to me. However, I'm going to try play the devil's advocate in this post.

We never hear Nathan's voice in the book. This obviously skews our image of him in a negative way. I think that Nathan is arrogant, and I'm pretty sure the rest of his family does as well. However, similar to my theory about campaign speeches, who is really being arrogant here? When we, the readers, and the rest of his family judge Nathan, isn't this saying that we think we do not do these things (after all, we ARE critiquing them). I'm sure that I have made some of the mistakes which Nathan has, and it's easy to criticize others, and if anyone criticized me of being arrogant (which as I stated above, I'm kind of acting that way anyway), I would just agree what they said without truly taking it into account, and without trying to improve my behavior. Although I try my best not to be, I'm sure lots of people think I'm very arrogant.

I guess what I've learned from this post is that it's always easier to critique others, where we ourselves often make the same mistakes. We should always keep that in mind before talking negatively about other's actions, and I'll try to keep it in mind while reading "The Poisonwood Bible".

Post 23: Lit Figure 8s

On Friday, in our Lit Figure 8 groups, we were told to come up with a defining moment, or a character which influences the whole course of the book. My group chose Nathan, and our example was when Nathan released both Methuselah and Mama Tabatha. The following quote is the father showing his frustration upon hearing the reason why nobody would get baptized in the river, since a young girl from the village got eaten by a crocodile prior to the family's arrival:

"'I fail to understand,' he said, "why it would take six months to inform me of that simple fact'" (81). Although it was clear that the father couldn't find many people in Kilanga who willingly took up Christianity (as seen by how he had to have a picnic in the hopes of attracting hungry villagers to get baptized), it became apparent more and more through the chapters how turned off of Christianity, and even more so, him the villagers were. In this post, I'd like to further expand and provide additional examples of not only how losing Mama Tabatha was much more of a big deal than Nathan thought it was, but also how Nathan, without realizing it, is the focal-character to hate in the book.

Currently, from where I am in "Revelations," every character, including devout, Father-loving (pun intended) Leah. Orleanna, Nathan's wife, seems to interact with everybody the least. She secretly despises being in Kilanga, and does things behind the Father's back, such as posting pictures in the kitchen of celebrities (although, evidently, the father would never go through the kitchen to discover this "contraband"). This quote illustrates how she believes that this whole journey to "help" these Kilanga-ians is a mistake, and not only that, but how her even marrying Nathan was a mistake:

"I wondered, Are we lost right now without knowing it? It had already happened so many times in my life ( my wedding day comes to mind) that I thought I was out of the woods, not realizing I'd merely paused on the edge of another narrow precipice in the midst of a long, long fall" (90). Not only does this quote imply that she made so many mistakes already (among which, marrying Nathan), but additionally, that she is perpetually falling lower and lower. Actually, there are multiple other ocassions where Orleanna speaks out against Nathan in this chapter, talking about how she misses coffee more than him, and also how the hardest thing to do everyday was deciding whether to stay with the family or not. Such a big burden was put on her when Mama Tabatha left, since she was assimilated to what precautions to take before eating any food, and how to do things in the Congo. To make a simple metaphor, it is almost like Nathan is preaching to deaf people, for they do not absorb what he is saying, at least in a positive way, and Mama Tabatha is like the family's only translator for how to do things with these deaf people: now that she's gone, their life becomes that much harder.

In the proceeding chapter, Leah talks about how she met a boy named Pascal, who the mother condoned her being around, and how Nathan would not approve of such a boy. It seems ironic to me how Nathan can't see past the skin of someone when from what I can remember from the Bible, it teaches equality. Leah speaks out against the father, because she wishes that she could relate to Pascal, and not be trapped in this different world, a more "sophisticated" world:

"For the first time ever I felt a stirring of anger against my father for making me a white preacher's child from Georgia" (115). Leah feels completely out of place in Kilanga, yet she wishes she could be one of them. It will be interesting to see how this little blemish in Leah's initially picture perfect view of her father could turn out in.

Although Ruth May is too influenced by her father, and therefore cannot take such a bold stand herself against him in her section, she notes how the father aggravates the doctor she had to see since she broke her arm. There was an irking quote in Ruth May's section where the doctor told Nathan exactly why Nathan was there. Up to this point, it seemed that Nathan going to Kilanga was something he felt was a good thing to do; to spread Christianity. However, the doctor tells us otherwise:

"'And you, my friend, are stuck with the job of trying to make amens" (121). I'm not sure if my assumption is correct, but if it is, "amens" is a pun for amends, whose reference is in making amends with the Africans since it is 1960, when the civil rights movements are taking place. As a tie-in to something earlier, it's interesting that Nathan is ignorant to racial equality.

What I personally think about Nathan right now is that he is trying to spread Christianity to benefit himself: to make himself feel better and as though he is helping people. In other words, I don't think he is spreading Christianity to the Kilanga people to benefit their lives, but only to benefit his. It'll be very interesting to see how all of this animosity toward Nathan plays out with everybody in Kilanga, and with Nathan's own family starting to hate him.

Post 22: 8th Grade

I'm not sure what it is about today, but I'm feeling very reminiscent. Maybe it's because I'm listening to a song which Carrie Underwood sang when I was in 8th grade, or maybe it's because back then I actually had the luxury to watch T.V. on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, so I was able to see that song being performed.

Personally, right now, I'm scared about school. Everything that happens here, in high school, is reflected on what kind of college I get into (which, contrary to what I implied in a previous post, I actually do care about). It's daunting to think that this week, I will have 4 tests, one which is worth 1/3 of my quarter grade for math. It's really frightening when it's a one shot deal, and that all of that studying you did is meaningless unless you get a good grade. Back in 8th grade, all of my teachers were completely non-intimidating. Here in the academy, especially in math, it's kind of like we just get the material thrown at us: if some of us can do it, great, but if not, well that's just too bad for all of us. In 8th grade, it seemed as though the teachers for math and science taught for getting the students to understand, whereas more increasingly, it seems as though the teachers teach because they have to, and don't care much about how the students do. In 8th grade, everything seemed more knit together, as though everyone in each team was part of a tapestry which without a single thread; without a single person, would be incomplete.

In the academy, it feels to me as though if one student is missing, and cannot complete that tapestry, another student is right there to pick up to fill that spot you left. In other words, in middle school, I felt as if everyone had a voice, and that everyone contributed, and helped each other out, whereas now, those who once helped each other are now corrupted by math curves, or are just too busy with their own lives, and too concerned with getting into that one college that they throw aside others, in turn, throwing away the most important thing: friendship. For, even if someone gets into the best college, if they had nobody to celebrate with, for if they alienated everybody around them in order to do just a little better, they are the ones who truly have nothing.

I guess that's why I miss 8th grade, because working together in school, and doing well in school were directly related, whereas now, sometimes you have to throw away friends to accomplish what you really want. The tapestry of my team, 8Y is comprised of individual threads now, as everyone has gone their separate ways. It seems as though everything which happens after 8th grade is just a drawn out goodbye to friends: for all the friends I had in 8th grade, I saw all of them less in 9th grade, and slowly we all distanced from each other, mostly because there were a lack of breaks. Now, in 10th grade, everyone hangs out in their own cliques, further severing any connection I had with those friends. When we all graduate, we'll see each other at most in the summer, and at Christmas. After college, we're all in the real world, and if I saw any friend even once a month, I'd be surprised.

I wish I could go back, not to redo 8th grade, and not to improve on everything I did in 8th grade, but rather, to relive the whole experience, for now, not having these individuals working together anymore, and now, not being able to retain the friends I had back then, I can appreciate those times when I had all of that even more. One day, I'll say the same thing about the academy, and consequently, the same thing about college, and that's one of the most depressing thoughts I've ever had.

Post 21: My School through the eyes of Orleanna

I had a bad dream last night. I dreamed that I moved through the thicket of Kilanga, through imposing vines vying for sunlight and water, through the gigantic and eclipsing trees, of which there are so many types anyone would think it is a collection of exotic plants. As I pushed my way through this greenery, this forest which eats itself in an endless cycle of rebirth, I saw an unusual sight.

I took a step forward out of mud, and for the first time in months, I felt the sensation of scorching cement! I would've shrieked from the pain had I not been so relieved to see the comforts I felt back home: running water that isn't from a well or pump! Bathrooms! I waited every minute in Kilanga for this moment where I could use all these everyday appliances I took for granted before! I've never told anyone this before, but for all the time I was in Kilanga, I carried a small knife with me, whose blade was about 4 inches long. This was for the purpose of having the luxury of slitting my wrists at any time, which releases endomorphisms into my blood stream. At the sight of this haven, of western items, and buildings, I threw down my knife.

Why couldn't Nathan come to his senses; does he not miss all of this? I saw a group of children: one working on homework, the others talking. Most of them didn't have blond hair as I do, but rather have black or dark brown hair. I hadn't seen anyone like them before, but they smiled at me and waved. It was a very surreal experience, where I was looking back on the life I could once have lived: in a contemporary environment, instead of the real environment where all but nothing was taken from me, my daughters, our lives. I walked over to a building, and looked inside a window. To my shock, I gazed into a window and saw our little house in Kilanga, complete with mud walls and mud floor, and multiple beds all with mosquito netting around them. I shook my head; this couldn't be true! When I gazed back inside, I was relieved to see a classroom where a teacher was pointing at something which seemed like a chalkboard, yet it was white, and when the teacher wrote, the ink which resided after the "chalk" passed was dark blue. I nonchalantly took a closer look at the teacher, for it seemed as though it was someone I knew. I couldn't tell since he kept showing his back to me. I shrieked out loud this time, when that man turned to face me. It was Nathan, and he smiled at me. I was torn back from this personal paradise of mine, where I had my life back? I was flung back into my bed, sweating profusely in horror of this dream being over. I felt the dry mosquito netting encompassing my bed. I sighed deeply, lifted the net up, put on my slippers, and walked slowly and reminiscently OUTSIDE to get myself a drink of water.

Why must I have these bad dreams; nightmares of getting out of this horrible place? Why must I have these dreams of hope, when here there resides none? I wish I had my knife back.