Post 34: The Quintissential Colleges

Through the maelstrom of high school, there is one common goal: get into a good college. The two quintessential colleges, or in understandable terms, the two colleges whose acceptance to is so greatly desired, are MIT and Harvard (top and bottom images respectively).

Both Boston-ese in origin, one stacked high with monotonous red brick, the other an endless wave of lustrous metal. Both beautiful in its own way. Walk the empty halls and hear the whispers of noble prize winners resonate, inspiring you to work ever harder to reach your goal of being accepted. The decadent sound of a lecture, pages turning, erasers squeaking, pencils scribbling away. The hectic panic moments after checking if their own answer was correct, each arguing as if a mandate from a higher power was given which insured that their own answer was the only one correct. In the green lounge, laid sprawled across a cushion, keyboard clacking with fury compose the greatest papers our generation has to offer.

Here resides the greatest minds in America, in the world.

Truly, this is the epitome of glory, the definitive sense which encompasses all that is desired in a college. Truly, these are the two quintessential colleges.

Post 33: Lit Circle Post "Exodus"

On Friday we broke up into randomly assigned groups for a Literature circle discussion. My group mainly talked about the metaphorical value of how Leah, Adah, and Rachel were talking about Nathan's death. Having not read up to that point on Friday, I couldn't really answer this question, but what was interesting was that my other group members who had completed the reading couldn't contemplate their own metaphorical reason for mentioning Nathan's death.

After having read "Exodus", I believe that the three Price girls (well, at least formally known as Price) having visited Abomey, a desolate place where there are skulls encompassed in mud walls, among other things was very similar to Nathan's influence in Kilanga:

"We saw every one of these things- the tapestries depicting violent acts and the swords and knives and even a throne with human skulls attached to the bottoms of all four legs, plated with bronze like keepsake baby shoes!" (480).

During the course of their tour through this dank tomb, Leah and Adah break away from Rachel and the tour guide, for what Rachel presumes as wanting to experience these catacombs their own way, yet she overhears them talking about Nathan and his death. Since they told Rachel the entire story after this tour, where it was explained to them that women were forced into marriage with the King, who had multiple wives:

"They forced women into slave marriage with the King for the purpose of reproducing their babies at a high rate. One King would have, oh, fifty or a hundred wives, easy... To celebrate their occasions, he said, they'd just haul off and kill a bunch of their slaves, grind up all the blood and bones, and mix it up with mud for making more walls for their temples. And what's worse, whenever a King died, forty of his wives would have to be killed and buried with him!" (481).

To me, since this is a fictional novel, the sequence of events, or any event for that matter, having been chosen by the author, each plays a significance. Since the father's death was mentioned in the catacombs of Abomey, there must be a parallel between this King and the father. In my opinion, although Nathan's cause had good intentions as opposed to the King having self-centered intentions, both cases have similarities. Nathan, in trying to baptize children, lost them all to crocodiles, and as a result was killed because of this. Conversely, the King, when dying took many wives with him. Nathan is similar to the King because he tormented the people he was with when living: the King his wives, and Nathan his entire family.

What the underlying sense was from all three Price women was that they thought these rituals were weird. The ironic thing is, that when looking in from an impartial standpoint, parallels can be made between Nathan and the King, both influencing the lives of others yet not realizing their true detrimental impact. To me, what I can pull out of this is that customs are arbitrary to where you come from. To the Price family, these catacombs seem weird, yet to impartial, 21st century readers, their own lives seem obscure.

Post 32: "Bel and the Serpent": Playing the Devil's Advocate

The focal character of "The Poisonwood Bible" so far has been Nathan. Although his intentions are well intended, his method of trying to spread Christianity are unorthodox. By this I do not only mean that he tries to force religion on everybody without understanding their culture as Brother Fowles does, but also that he is willing to push aside his family's feelings for his own sake (and it is for his sake, since the reason he wants to baptize everybody in Kilanga is to wash himself of his "sins", if you will, as he is trying to baptize more people than men in his company who were killed). Even as his own daughter, Ruth May, was killed, after a short period of mourning and silence on his part, he was back out there baptizing children in the rain: "'The Lord spoke to the common people gathered at the well,' he said at last, in his old booming voice that allowed no corner for doubt" (373). This quote signifies how little pain he evidently felt from her death. To me, he is by far the worst preacher I've ever seen. However, playing the devil's advocate, I will try to prove that he is the best preacher in the world.

Now, some may say that being indifferent to your own child's death shows how little you cared about that child, and also how little regret you feel about coming to Kilanga is horrible since that was the sole reason that Ruth May was killed. However, I argue that that makes him the best preacher ever. The reason which I base this controversial stand on is that Nathan is so in touch with God that he realizes if God did not choose to protect her from that snake, good riddance! It's best that we be rid of a sinner in our family, Nathan would think. Also, relating this concept to a movie, "A Walk to Remember," when Jamie, Landon's newly wedded wife passes away, he states, "Her love is like the wind: I cannot see it but I can feel it." Perhaps Nathan thinks the same way about Ruth May, that she was finally freed from this world of sin. In this way, he is the most selfless preacher in the world, since he is willing to give up his child, trusting that God has a greater purpose for her.

You may argue that he is completely throwing aside his family's wanting to leave Kilanga and only caring about his own work. That is completely correct, for he knows that his family compared to the new, better, God influenced lives of those in Kilanga are much more important than his own family.

Hats off to Nathan, a man who truly understands what God wants him to do.

Post 31: Densha Otoko

The past couple of days, I have spent hour after hour watching a jdrama (Japanese drama) called Densha Otoko. The two main characters, Yamada (the guy), and Saori (the girl) were polar opposites in terms of personality at the beginning of the series: Yamada at age 23 still lived with his parents, had a job where he was not respected at all (and couldn't really do competently), and worst of all, he spent hundreds of dollars a week at Akihabara, buying DVDs, figurines from anime series, and with his friends, going to interviews of voice actors for anime, taking fetish pictures. The girl on the other hand, was very beautiful, exceedingly rich, and above all, very nice. They met on a train, both commuting back to their respective houses, because Yamada decided to stand up to a drunk man who was harassing her. He gets her number from a thank you package she sends him, and so they start meeting on a regular basis. Yamada, being oblivious as he was to emotions, and how to conduct himself around women, started writing on a single men's forum for advice. It seemed as though everybody was against Yamada, and Saori herself left him twice (though they were never officially going out). Additionally, two men were both trying to sabotage Yamada in the hopes of marrying Saori. The only people on his side were those who he had never met: those on the forum. Although I cannot convey these powerful emotions which Yamada went through in the roller coaster of feelings, the basic message I'm trying to convey is that for me watching this series, hope was rediscovered.

So how does this relate to my life?

The purpose of going to a school like Punahou is obvious. Although many of us are very involved with sports, clubs, and various other extracurricular activities, through the maelstrom of paths which we can take, the most evident purpose of going to Punahou is to get into a good college. Many times, I feel very discouraged by a bad grade, which somewhat ironically, worrying about that grade subsequently makes my other grades drop, as well as my overall confidence. Many times, during the course of the school year, I forget what hope is. When I study for a test as well as I possibly can, and still don't get the grade I wanted, why would I have any hope?

I guess what I've pulled out of Densha Otoko in regard to hope are three things:

1. When seemingly everybody else around you can do something correctly, whether it be on a test that I did poorly on, or a sport, the fact of the matter is that that person probably struggled as much as you did right now to get to where they are. At the end of the series, Densha Otoko was a much changed person, who when once carried himself with insecurity, carried himself with poise and confidence. Nothing is impossible, especially when you have many advocates, in Yamada's case, faceless advocates, but the best asset anyone could ever ask for.

2. If you really love something, there should be no doubt in your mind stopping you from trying at that subject, or in Yamada's case, trying to be with a person. After Saori had left Yamada the second time, for she discovered the forum and thought that he was invading her privacy (whereas he was really just trying to get advice because he cared about her so much), he left a message on her cell phone, telling her that he wanted to give her a birthday present. Since Saori had not invited Yamada to her party, he waited at a different spot, during a thunderstorm, for hours. She accidentally found where he was, and since it took so much strength to stand for hours on end in the rain, he collapsed when she came (and subsequently crushed the expensive present he bought her). In my opinion, this was quite a daunting feat to pull off. When I'm figuratively in the rain, after doing poorly on a test, it takes an even greater strength to stand than normally, for it is not certain that this undying behavior will be rewarded. However, if it pays off, all that time was worthwhile.

3. What you do, no matter how small it is, could be an inspiration to others. In the series, Yamada after being rejected the second time, left the forum. All of the regulars on the forum banded together to post fliers around Akihabara asking Yamada to come back to the forum. Yamada's story was such an inspiration to others, and they all wanted him to succeed so much, that after awhile, all of Akihabara was plastered in fliers. Even when watching an interview, his favorite voice actress says that she would have given up voice acting had it not been for Yamada. If Yamada at any time had given up, all he would have justified to those on the single's forum, and the rest of the world, is that no matter how hard you try, sometimes, things are truly impossible. Yamada's standing up in the face of adversity made me hope again.

Hope bands people together, and that lasts forever. Though we may take different paths in life, nobody can take away the great times, and the adversities we got through together. In two years, we will have to leave the community which has supported us for so many years, but the memories we have together can never be compromised. After Yamada got together with Saori, he had to say goodbye to the forum, as did the faceless advocates had to say goodbye to each other, crying all the way. Although they may never speak again, the memories which they share, and the message which they saw firsthand can never be taken away from them.

Post 30: SAT Practice Essay

This is an illegitimate question because as colleges become increasingly more competitive, it is necessary as a student to mold, assimilate, if you will to what society views as the best means to success. In fact, this essay in itself is a tribute to this fact, since all juniors are required to take the SAT as a common assessment to determine college admissions. However, it is because of this that students are slowly losing their own voice. To pose an analogy reiterating my stand, this issue is like baking a cake: sugar, or guidance, is needed and whipped cream, or the will of a specific student, is also needed, but with too much of either, the taste is too sweet.

In fact, many successes have come out of defying this world of assimilation. For example, Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard to start Microsoft. Had he assimilated to what his intuition, his parents, his teachers, and the world told him; that a college education is necessary to have a good life, to succeed; we might have computers which take up an entire room even today, consequently being years behind the current technology we possess.

However, it would be naïve of me to think that dropping out of school would be the right path to take. Contrary to my belief that students must have their own voice and find things out for themselves, I also believe that if we all had no guidance, there would be an inevitable drop off in intelligence and the will to work hard in school. At my school, we are forced to take a certain amount of credits for each type of course. Had I not taken some courses, my GPA would be higher, as would my current self confidence, but without being forced to learn these subjects, I would not be as complete a person today, nor would I have developed interest in some fields I would’ve otherwise merely assumed to be boring.

I recently saw a commercial for a pill company, stating elements which defied certain substances. I saw the abbreviated element name as Hu, which does not exist. “Hu”? I thought to myself. What could that be? Evidently, Hu stood for “the human element.” The commercial proclaimed that nothing was more powerful than the human element. Through this essay, I have found myself; my human element: through learning new things coupled with your own voice, only then can there exist intelligence. I believe that with no guidance combined with no self initiative would yield no ambiguity among all of us. The question was not illegitimate, but rather, my thinking was. Only in a world where teachers and students both have their own say in matters can there be anybody truly learned.

Post 29: Literal and Metaphorical Interpretation of a Quote

Throughout the book, each character seems to evolve and form their own voice. This voice is characterized by the events which each character experiences. For instance, when Rachel witnesses Leah shooting down an antelope, and proceed to skin the antelope, "starting out by slitting itts belly and peeling back the skin over its back with horrible ripping sounds" (350), Rachel decided to become a vegetarian (though that was short lived). Orleanna was once a happy woman married to Nathan, which all changed when he decided to salvage as many souls as men died in his platoon during WWII. Leah, once thinking her father's words were all true, and that he was a benevolent man, now completely defies him, calling him ugly, and saying that it is hard to believe she ever believed anything he said was true. The only character which I think does not change throughout the book is Nathan, who even shortly after Ruth May died started baptizing kids playing in the long-awaited rain: "'The Lord spoke to the common people gathered at the well,' he said at last, in his old booming voice that allowed no corner for doubt" (373). What father who dragged his family unwillingly to the Congo for over a year and a half (and counting), would be that indifferent to his child's death? What father who ever loses a child, no matter what the cause or where it happened would be so emotionless about it?

To me, one quote from "Bel and the Serpent," can wrap up many themes in the book centered primarily around Nathan. This takes place when Ruth May had recently passed away, and was laid out on a pseudo altar which Nelson constructed in the Price's yard, wrapped in a shroud of mosquito netting:

"Several women from the village had already come. Mama Mwanza arrived first, with her daughters. A few at a time, the others followed. They fell down at the edge of our yard when they came, and walked on their knees to the table. All of them had lost children before, it dawned on me through my shock. Our suffering now was no greater than theirs had been, no more real or tragic. No different" (370-371).

Literally, Ruth May had passed away, and many of the villagers went to pay their respects, and shortly after sing a mournful bilala song. Metaphorically speaking, this wraps up the family's ignorance to what is truly painful. The whole time the family resided in Kilanga thus far, they have witnessed death, which has been so nonchalantly narrated. Although I would certainly contradict this myself, they have all complained about non-necessities, such as a cake mix for Rachel's 16th birthday, or Rachel breaking her mirror. When compared to the first glimpses of each character's personality, this quote shows the maturity which all of them have gained through hardships, but more so of Nathan's arrogance which resonates throughout the book. Nathan's daughter had just died, and people who he has insulted for being naked when they remained ignorant that the Bible prohibits this kind of behavior mourn the loss of his child more than him. Nathan stood up for himself when he remained ignorant that the villagers are resistant to getting baptized in the river because a small girl was eaten by a crocodile previously. I see no difference in these two situations, yet from a non-biased standpoint, in Nathan's view of things, he is completely blameless for this ignorance. For once, Nathan is correct: he actually is blameless for this ignorance of his, but what gives him the right to put down others with the same ignorance toward the Bible? Similarly, as Nathan has never lost a family member before, he didn't realize how much it hurt until it actually happened. I haven't ever heard Nathan give condolences to anyone who has lost a family member before, yet when he loses one, he finally is silenced from his preaching.

Nathan may think that he has the best view of the world, for God will guide him, and God's teaching will govern his actions, but nay, he out of everybody he's accused of being ignorant remains the best example of ignorance himself.

Post 28: Mosquito Coast and PB Comparison

After watching "The Mosquito Coast" and reading "The Poisonwood Bible," there are several undeniable differences. Both take place in a rural village far away from the grasps of America. Both Nathan and Allie are determined that they can provide a much more, for lack of a better word, prosperous life for all of the villagers. In this way, both Nathan and Allie are both blind that their style of executing this message, or method of conveying this information are their detriment. Obviously, both fathers alienate their own families from them as the book and movie proceeds. At one point, the younger son and the older son who narrated in "The Mosquito Coast" stated "I wish he would die already". Although nobody in the Price family would be rash enough to say that, Orleanna has previously talked about how the hardest thing to do everyday was to decide whether to stay with the family or leave. Even Leah, Nathan's biggest advocate starts to miss her lifestyle in the U.S. Conversely, the differences between both the movie and the book are somewhat more subtle.

Nathan and Allie's reason for leaving the U.S differed. Allie was fed up with what America has become. In the opening minutes of the movie, he mocked along the lines of, "The land of opportunity? This is just an oversized trash dump." Nathan on the other hand leaves America determined to "save souls," from their pagan worshiping. Interestingly enough, near the end of "The Mosquito Coast," Allie and his family on their boat-house come across an enclave of Christian missionaries in a village. When Allie and his eldest son entered the church the missionaries built, they watched a television with the minister giving a rather interesting attempt to incorporate technology into a sermon. After watching for a couple of minutes, Allie, disgusted with the electricity used to run the television as well as the fans in the church, as well as the message being conveyed scoffed and walked out of the church. Later, this encounter resulted in Allie burning down the church (with people still inside of it, mind you), and stealing gasoline from the missionaries. What was interesting about this to me is that if Nathan saw Allie burn down a church, he would be infuriated. Similarly, I think that if Nathan came across the village which Allie bought, he would tell Allie that this was all blasphemous, and that he should not force this ice technology (or as Allie himself puts it, that ice is indicative of civilization), on villagers happy with their current lifestyle. Allie and Nathan both stand for causes which have good intentions, yet both of them don't agree with what the other is doing (presumably, Nathan wouldn't Allie is doing). In this way, from my point of view, it is fine to present a point of view, such as religion, but when you try to force it on someone, you become your own detriment. This is because as seen with differing points of view on religion in "The Poisonwood Bible," and "The Mosquito Coast," you yourself might just be blind to how negatively you convey your own message, or how non-comprehendably and culturally outlandish your viewpoint may be.

Post 27: "The Judges" Reflection

"The Judges" is probably the chapter which tests the family the most thus far. Ruth May contracts malaria, the village is swarmed with countless numbers of nsongonya (or ants), Tata Ndu wanting to marry Rachel forces her into a relationship of mixed feelings with Mr. Axelroot, and most of all, Nathan pushes on with his mission of a Christian Kilanga, ignoring the plane out of Kilanga since Belgium gave into a Republic Congo. The thing which puzzles me the most is why Nathan either is oblivious to this, or blames it on each of the family members. For example, when Orleanna became pregnant, it was her fault: "He was profoundly embarrassed by my pregnancies. To his way of thinking they were unearned blessings, and furthermore each one thinking they were unearned blessings, and furthermore each one drew God's attention anew to my having a vagina and his having a penis and the fact we'd laid them near enough together to conceive a child" (198).

Another thing which Nathan seems to do is similar to the Nostradamus effect. By this, I mean that he makes claims such as if the villagers don't do anything they will be punished by God, or something of that sort, and then if something coincidentally happens in such a way where Nathan's point is supported, it would seem as though God actually was on his side. The best example I can think of off the top of my head would be in "The Revelations," where when Adah was "spared" by the lion, more people started going to church. Nathan could claim that it was her undying belief in God which saved her, which he probably would not find out was true or not for I doubt he'd have the patience to have her write down the account of what happened or listen to her explanation extensively from a family member. Similarly, Nostradamus wrote prophecies which didn't get fufilled until hundreds of years later. Being a skeptic, I ask if he was truely writing prophecies, why could he not write a date? Why could people not point out that event occurring before it happened? Some people claim Nostradamus predicted the terrorist attack on 9/11. If he truly predicted this, why couldn't people prevent this attack? Similarly, why can't Nathan state that "if you believe in God, even lions cannot kill you," or something of that sort?

I think that Nathan would reply that God works in his own way. However, when the village gets swarmed by ants, or when hoards of people and households die from the kakakaka, why does God not save them? Even if they worship pagan Gods, why would a truly loving God sacrifice people to influence people to worship him? What do you think Nathan would say?

Post 26: Chernobyl

Today in chemistry, we watched a very disturbing video about nuclear power, and the aftermath of the meltdown of the nuclear reactor in Chernobyl in 1986. Watching the video was a very surreal experience, and just made me feel as though I was the luckiest person in the world, and that grades weren't that big a deal anymore. An analogy which I came up with to express how I felt after watching that video is: watching a video where every child had defects, and the fact that chances of their getting a disease, or a cancer being hundreds of times higher than normal, everything about my life seemed as though I was the most fortunate person in the world. It was like finding a $20 bill wadded up in the back of my pants after I put it through the wash: it was always there, yet discovering that I had that $20 made me feel lucky, just as I have had the same privileges, and opportunities which most people in the world do not get, just rediscovered.

This made me think about the essential questions: 1. What kind of world is this?, and 2. How should I live in it? It seems as though the more I think about these two questions, I come further away from the answer. Once, someone told me that they felt sorry for me because I seemed to have more tests than anyone else. I replied by saying that it only seemed that way because I complained about having tests more than anybody else. This week, I've complained about having five tests (six actually, including that quiz in English today). I've complained about having to play that singles match in tennis on only 3 hours of sleep. However, after watching a video where every child either could not think rationally, or had their organs growing outside of their body, impossible to be removed by surgery (obviously, since someone couldn't live without their brain or kidneys), I am completely humbled. One of the saddest lines in the video was something along the lines of, "It's not that we don't know how to do the surgery, but rather, that we don't have enough money to do it." So, I decided I'd give it a shot, and I started a group on facebook where I'll donate $1 to some organization or orphanage supporting the victims of Chernobyl. I guess I'll see how many people in this world have a heart.

Going back to the essential questions, the only thing I'm sure of about this world is that it is beyond reason unfair. People are punished who haven't been born yet. The way I want to live in this world is by some form helping others. I just wish I was able to have a louder voice in this world with a cacophony of opposing views.

Post 25: Lexicographer for "The Revelations"

Though it's not my assigned job, I like to keep track of these anyway. Can't hurt to learn new vocabulary. The format is the same as last time: word (page number) * (asterisk indicating if the word appears more than once).

precipice (90): a very steep or overhanging place or a hazardous situation
litany (90): a prayer with a series of invocations and supplications by the leader
foray (92):a sudden or irregular invasion or attack for war or spoils
travail (93): work especially of a painful or laborious nature
teresly (94): smoothly elegant
rectified (103): to set right
succor (120): something that furnishes relief
putative (125): something that furnishes relief
manioc (137): any of several American plants of the spurge family grown in the tropics

Post 24: Playing the Devil's Advocate, "The Revelations"

Student elections were today. Well, the preliminaries at least. Although I didn't have to run, two good friends of mine "lost". It made me remember what they had to go through, and it made it so that all of that trouble they went through didn't matter at all. I'd have to say that the most daunting thing to do is to get up in front of that podium, in front of 450 or so people. I just realized today that no matter what you say up there: whether you say you think you're the best choice, or whether you say you want to represent the class, it could all come off as arrogant. If you say why you're the best choice, it's obvious why it might seem arrogant, and if you say you want to represent the class, it could make it seem like you think you have good judgment: good enough to govern and represent what 420 students want. This concept got me to thinking about Nathan: Personally, I think Nathan is a bit arrogant; he thinks that he can "save" these "savage" people, even to the extent of thinking it is his obligation to help the "less fortunate". All of this seems very condescending to me. However, I'm going to try play the devil's advocate in this post.

We never hear Nathan's voice in the book. This obviously skews our image of him in a negative way. I think that Nathan is arrogant, and I'm pretty sure the rest of his family does as well. However, similar to my theory about campaign speeches, who is really being arrogant here? When we, the readers, and the rest of his family judge Nathan, isn't this saying that we think we do not do these things (after all, we ARE critiquing them). I'm sure that I have made some of the mistakes which Nathan has, and it's easy to criticize others, and if anyone criticized me of being arrogant (which as I stated above, I'm kind of acting that way anyway), I would just agree what they said without truly taking it into account, and without trying to improve my behavior. Although I try my best not to be, I'm sure lots of people think I'm very arrogant.

I guess what I've learned from this post is that it's always easier to critique others, where we ourselves often make the same mistakes. We should always keep that in mind before talking negatively about other's actions, and I'll try to keep it in mind while reading "The Poisonwood Bible".

Post 23: Lit Figure 8s

On Friday, in our Lit Figure 8 groups, we were told to come up with a defining moment, or a character which influences the whole course of the book. My group chose Nathan, and our example was when Nathan released both Methuselah and Mama Tabatha. The following quote is the father showing his frustration upon hearing the reason why nobody would get baptized in the river, since a young girl from the village got eaten by a crocodile prior to the family's arrival:

"'I fail to understand,' he said, "why it would take six months to inform me of that simple fact'" (81). Although it was clear that the father couldn't find many people in Kilanga who willingly took up Christianity (as seen by how he had to have a picnic in the hopes of attracting hungry villagers to get baptized), it became apparent more and more through the chapters how turned off of Christianity, and even more so, him the villagers were. In this post, I'd like to further expand and provide additional examples of not only how losing Mama Tabatha was much more of a big deal than Nathan thought it was, but also how Nathan, without realizing it, is the focal-character to hate in the book.

Currently, from where I am in "Revelations," every character, including devout, Father-loving (pun intended) Leah. Orleanna, Nathan's wife, seems to interact with everybody the least. She secretly despises being in Kilanga, and does things behind the Father's back, such as posting pictures in the kitchen of celebrities (although, evidently, the father would never go through the kitchen to discover this "contraband"). This quote illustrates how she believes that this whole journey to "help" these Kilanga-ians is a mistake, and not only that, but how her even marrying Nathan was a mistake:

"I wondered, Are we lost right now without knowing it? It had already happened so many times in my life ( my wedding day comes to mind) that I thought I was out of the woods, not realizing I'd merely paused on the edge of another narrow precipice in the midst of a long, long fall" (90). Not only does this quote imply that she made so many mistakes already (among which, marrying Nathan), but additionally, that she is perpetually falling lower and lower. Actually, there are multiple other ocassions where Orleanna speaks out against Nathan in this chapter, talking about how she misses coffee more than him, and also how the hardest thing to do everyday was deciding whether to stay with the family or not. Such a big burden was put on her when Mama Tabatha left, since she was assimilated to what precautions to take before eating any food, and how to do things in the Congo. To make a simple metaphor, it is almost like Nathan is preaching to deaf people, for they do not absorb what he is saying, at least in a positive way, and Mama Tabatha is like the family's only translator for how to do things with these deaf people: now that she's gone, their life becomes that much harder.

In the proceeding chapter, Leah talks about how she met a boy named Pascal, who the mother condoned her being around, and how Nathan would not approve of such a boy. It seems ironic to me how Nathan can't see past the skin of someone when from what I can remember from the Bible, it teaches equality. Leah speaks out against the father, because she wishes that she could relate to Pascal, and not be trapped in this different world, a more "sophisticated" world:

"For the first time ever I felt a stirring of anger against my father for making me a white preacher's child from Georgia" (115). Leah feels completely out of place in Kilanga, yet she wishes she could be one of them. It will be interesting to see how this little blemish in Leah's initially picture perfect view of her father could turn out in.

Although Ruth May is too influenced by her father, and therefore cannot take such a bold stand herself against him in her section, she notes how the father aggravates the doctor she had to see since she broke her arm. There was an irking quote in Ruth May's section where the doctor told Nathan exactly why Nathan was there. Up to this point, it seemed that Nathan going to Kilanga was something he felt was a good thing to do; to spread Christianity. However, the doctor tells us otherwise:

"'And you, my friend, are stuck with the job of trying to make amens" (121). I'm not sure if my assumption is correct, but if it is, "amens" is a pun for amends, whose reference is in making amends with the Africans since it is 1960, when the civil rights movements are taking place. As a tie-in to something earlier, it's interesting that Nathan is ignorant to racial equality.

What I personally think about Nathan right now is that he is trying to spread Christianity to benefit himself: to make himself feel better and as though he is helping people. In other words, I don't think he is spreading Christianity to the Kilanga people to benefit their lives, but only to benefit his. It'll be very interesting to see how all of this animosity toward Nathan plays out with everybody in Kilanga, and with Nathan's own family starting to hate him.

Post 22: 8th Grade

I'm not sure what it is about today, but I'm feeling very reminiscent. Maybe it's because I'm listening to a song which Carrie Underwood sang when I was in 8th grade, or maybe it's because back then I actually had the luxury to watch T.V. on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, so I was able to see that song being performed.

Personally, right now, I'm scared about school. Everything that happens here, in high school, is reflected on what kind of college I get into (which, contrary to what I implied in a previous post, I actually do care about). It's daunting to think that this week, I will have 4 tests, one which is worth 1/3 of my quarter grade for math. It's really frightening when it's a one shot deal, and that all of that studying you did is meaningless unless you get a good grade. Back in 8th grade, all of my teachers were completely non-intimidating. Here in the academy, especially in math, it's kind of like we just get the material thrown at us: if some of us can do it, great, but if not, well that's just too bad for all of us. In 8th grade, it seemed as though the teachers for math and science taught for getting the students to understand, whereas more increasingly, it seems as though the teachers teach because they have to, and don't care much about how the students do. In 8th grade, everything seemed more knit together, as though everyone in each team was part of a tapestry which without a single thread; without a single person, would be incomplete.

In the academy, it feels to me as though if one student is missing, and cannot complete that tapestry, another student is right there to pick up to fill that spot you left. In other words, in middle school, I felt as if everyone had a voice, and that everyone contributed, and helped each other out, whereas now, those who once helped each other are now corrupted by math curves, or are just too busy with their own lives, and too concerned with getting into that one college that they throw aside others, in turn, throwing away the most important thing: friendship. For, even if someone gets into the best college, if they had nobody to celebrate with, for if they alienated everybody around them in order to do just a little better, they are the ones who truly have nothing.

I guess that's why I miss 8th grade, because working together in school, and doing well in school were directly related, whereas now, sometimes you have to throw away friends to accomplish what you really want. The tapestry of my team, 8Y is comprised of individual threads now, as everyone has gone their separate ways. It seems as though everything which happens after 8th grade is just a drawn out goodbye to friends: for all the friends I had in 8th grade, I saw all of them less in 9th grade, and slowly we all distanced from each other, mostly because there were a lack of breaks. Now, in 10th grade, everyone hangs out in their own cliques, further severing any connection I had with those friends. When we all graduate, we'll see each other at most in the summer, and at Christmas. After college, we're all in the real world, and if I saw any friend even once a month, I'd be surprised.

I wish I could go back, not to redo 8th grade, and not to improve on everything I did in 8th grade, but rather, to relive the whole experience, for now, not having these individuals working together anymore, and now, not being able to retain the friends I had back then, I can appreciate those times when I had all of that even more. One day, I'll say the same thing about the academy, and consequently, the same thing about college, and that's one of the most depressing thoughts I've ever had.

Post 21: My School through the eyes of Orleanna

I had a bad dream last night. I dreamed that I moved through the thicket of Kilanga, through imposing vines vying for sunlight and water, through the gigantic and eclipsing trees, of which there are so many types anyone would think it is a collection of exotic plants. As I pushed my way through this greenery, this forest which eats itself in an endless cycle of rebirth, I saw an unusual sight.

I took a step forward out of mud, and for the first time in months, I felt the sensation of scorching cement! I would've shrieked from the pain had I not been so relieved to see the comforts I felt back home: running water that isn't from a well or pump! Bathrooms! I waited every minute in Kilanga for this moment where I could use all these everyday appliances I took for granted before! I've never told anyone this before, but for all the time I was in Kilanga, I carried a small knife with me, whose blade was about 4 inches long. This was for the purpose of having the luxury of slitting my wrists at any time, which releases endomorphisms into my blood stream. At the sight of this haven, of western items, and buildings, I threw down my knife.

Why couldn't Nathan come to his senses; does he not miss all of this? I saw a group of children: one working on homework, the others talking. Most of them didn't have blond hair as I do, but rather have black or dark brown hair. I hadn't seen anyone like them before, but they smiled at me and waved. It was a very surreal experience, where I was looking back on the life I could once have lived: in a contemporary environment, instead of the real environment where all but nothing was taken from me, my daughters, our lives. I walked over to a building, and looked inside a window. To my shock, I gazed into a window and saw our little house in Kilanga, complete with mud walls and mud floor, and multiple beds all with mosquito netting around them. I shook my head; this couldn't be true! When I gazed back inside, I was relieved to see a classroom where a teacher was pointing at something which seemed like a chalkboard, yet it was white, and when the teacher wrote, the ink which resided after the "chalk" passed was dark blue. I nonchalantly took a closer look at the teacher, for it seemed as though it was someone I knew. I couldn't tell since he kept showing his back to me. I shrieked out loud this time, when that man turned to face me. It was Nathan, and he smiled at me. I was torn back from this personal paradise of mine, where I had my life back? I was flung back into my bed, sweating profusely in horror of this dream being over. I felt the dry mosquito netting encompassing my bed. I sighed deeply, lifted the net up, put on my slippers, and walked slowly and reminiscently OUTSIDE to get myself a drink of water.

Why must I have these bad dreams; nightmares of getting out of this horrible place? Why must I have these dreams of hope, when here there resides none? I wish I had my knife back.

Post 20: College

In the beginning of the movie "A Beautiful Mind," a professor at Princeton talked to the incoming class.

"Mathematicians won the war. Mathematicians broke the Japanese codes... and built the A-bomb. Mathematicians... like you. The stated goal of the Soviets is global Communism. In medicine or economics, in technology or space, battle lines are being drawn. To triumph, we need results. Publishable, applicable results. Now who among you will be the next Morse? The next Einstein? Who among you will be the vanguard of democracy, freedom, and discovery? Today, we bequeath America's future into your able hands. Welcome to Princeton, gentlemen."

Ironically, though I had no intention of doing so, this quote has some distant ties to "The Singer Solution for World Poverty," in that it talks about how when you are given something, it is your obligation to use it properly and to not abuse it. I've talked about this topic in various other posts, so on to the point I intended to make.

Here at Punahou, though everyone likes to have fun, or rather, their own idea of fun, Punahou is primarily just a prep-school, intended for turning teenagers into functioning college students. On that note, here I sit, chemistry books and AP exam study books piled around me, papers written in Japanese, Math-ese, and English all alike tickling the bottom of my feet, crinkling to their demise, yet always holding out. The clock ticks twice as fast as it should, especially as the hours grow late proceeded by those of early. We're in hell.

At times like these, where I am piled in over my head in work, with any little annoyance and every little extra obligation piled and spilled over on my plate, I wonder if all this work, if all these honors courses, AP courses, are really worth this extra work, or if they're just extraneous. I watched my sister battle her way through high school, and watched all those extra courses and extra hours at school participating in various clubs pay off. Why did it seem as though all that work didn't phase her at all? Why was it that all the work she did for school always yielded a result and always seemed pragmatic?

What does college really do for you? I mean, whether you graduate a lawyer from Harvard, or a lawyer from UH (not that I'm implying anything about UH), you still have the same degree, and you still have the same status out there in the real world. So what is the purpose of spending more money to get just a status of going to a top university?

As I see applications come back, negative for the top schools, or even those who I believe to be very much qualified to top universities not even apply to top schools, for having the mindset that it was impossible for them, a part of me wants to give up, but a part of me wants to try even harder. For some reason, I believe that all my efforts now will not be for naught. Am I just deluding myself in the fake fantasy of ME getting into what I consider to be a good school?

Perhaps it is an obligation which we all have to perform to our best abilities. After all, WE, the students, are not the ones paying upwards of 15 grand a year for an education; we are the ones who have the privilege of getting a good high school education, or even an education at all. At this point, the papers clinging to the bottom of my feet don't seem to phase me as much. The papers huddled around me don't seem as intimidating. The onslaught of an endless cycle of sleep, homework, school, sports, and any other obligation, leading right back to homework every time doesn't seem as daunting. Perhaps, I have come to peace with my obligations.

Why is it that all that work seemed so easy for my sister and many other past seniors I knew seem to be so hard in penchant difficulty? Maybe, that it just seemed that way, and my sister and all those other seniors had to struggle just as much to become who they are and to get into where they are now. Maybe, it was just an act: to stare tests and other seemingly impossible projects, papers, and homework in the face. Maybe, by doing this, that is the reason why they can deal with adversity so efficiently, not letting the dire-ness of the situation knock their concentration out of line.

I walk off into the cold, stormy unknown with my head held high, staring down all the adversity in my life in the eyes.

Bring it on.

Post 19: This I Believe podcast

This is my link to my "This I Believe" podcast. It was actually a very frustrating process for me: I had to record it on my computer, where the quality came out bad, so I bought a cheap microphone, where the quality was just a tad better. It automatically saves as a Windows Media File, aka .wma. I had to download a trial version of a converter to convert the .wma file to .mp3. Also, now, pod0matic says that my recording has to be reformatted and they will inform me of when this happens. For whenever that happens, here's the link:

http://tknogk.podomatic.com/

Post 18: Obligations

Today, the best tennis player at Punahou was in risk of losing. This past Tuesday, he had won the first set, 6-4, and while up a break of serve, and up 4-2, yet he lost the second set 4-6. He was up a break, 1-0 in the third. He was injured, and so this match was taking a lot longer than we anticipated it would take. The other kid was good, if not very arrogant and conceited. More specifically, the other kid was arguably the number 2 or 3 player in the state. So, I guess everyone on varsity accepted the fact it was possible that the match would be hard from the start, but we were all surprised. Luckily, since it rained, the match was postponed till this Thursday, today. Evidently, the number one won 5 straight games to close out the match.

After the match, I got a necessary talk from the number one, the captain of the team. It's quite admirable to see a captain of the team take it on himself to address problems individual problems for teammates. I mean, I'm not trying to sound arrogant or anything, because I know anytime I play him, if I get any games I'm lucky, but in a sense he is creating more competition for himself. It's admirable to see someone who cares more about the well-being of the team, than for self glory. The talk was about what he thought was the difference between how he played on Tuesday, and today. He said the difference was that on Tuesday, he was making excuses for not playing very well- he complained about his back and such, but today, he sucked it up, didn't make excuses, and essentially wanted to put this guy in his place. He asked me what I thought about the night before I play this other guy. I admitted that I hated this guy. I told the captain that this guy thinks that he's better than anyone else. And, that I really do hate to play him. The number one said that that was what he thought.

What he said to me, I cannot fully recall. What I do remember from that conversation, what I took away from it the most, is that it is an obligation to your school, to your teammates, to your coaches, and to everyone who's ever helped you, to perform however well you can. I'll admit that I didn't want to play him, but right now, I'm fired up. I want to play the jerk on the other team now. I realize that contrary to his belief, tennis is not everything. I actually pity him now. Even if he was the best player in the world, and if he won every tournament he entered, it would be meaningless if he alienated everyone who ever helped him get to that point, as he is doing right now with his attitude problem. If he had nobody to share his success with, then all that means is that he truly is a self-centered jerk, doing it for personal glory. He doesn't care about his teammates at all, so even if I lost to him, I wouldn't really consider it a loss. Rather, I would have given him a moment of glory, in his petty life, whereas in mine, where I am surrounded by great friends and teachers, I feel much more fulfilled. In this sense, I want to represent all who supported me on the way here, even those who are not in my life anymore, by beating this kid.

"And I'll tell you this. In any fight, it's the guy that's willing to die, that will win that inch." Peace with Inches, delivered by Al Pachino.

For my teammates, not for my own self-glorification, I am willing to die for that inch, which could make all the difference.

Post 17: Poisonwood Figure 8 #1 (Genesis)

Today, we met in our discussion groups consisting of 4-5 people per group to discuss "Genesis," from, "The Poisonwood Bible." My group first established each of the characters, and their voices in the book. We described Rachel as not belonging in the family (since the rest of the family are devout Christians, with the father being a priest), Ruth May as being innocent (well, she's a 5 year old, so she'll believe everything told to her, even when her friend said the tribes in Africa would attack her). The only thing we said about Leah was that we thought that even though her twin sister, Adah, is mute, that we think Adah is much smarter. (Alex pointed out that Adah could come up with a verse correctly whereas her twin sister could not, and I pointed out how Adah came up with various palindromes).

Now that I look at how I just described Rachel, perhaps she is the lone copper person among four gold petroglyphs on the cover?

The next thing my discussion group talked about was what we thought the Kilanga residents would react to the father trying to convert all of them to Christianity. I said that I thought he would repel them from religion since even when he first came to Kilanga, he criticized them to ideals of the Bible they were ignorant to. I added that the family even had to have a picnic to increase attendance to sermons. Alex added on that he thought the father's garden was a foreshadowing to what he thinks the response will be for the Kilanga residents: the father's garden thrived in the U.S., but when in Africa, he had to succumb to growing a garden in a way where the conditions around the garden supported it.

All in all, I think we had a great discussion today, and the discussion made me realize several things about the book thus far that I had not noticed previously.

Post 16: A 10 minute reflection on my SAT essay

My essay was definitely disorganized: I started off with a definite statement and halfway through writing the essay, I realized that I knew of examples where I did not think that the media affects me personally. Therefore, I started off with one statement yet ended with a compromising statement. When I changed my view midway through the essay, I should have gone back and revised my essay statement on what I believed in. My Asian history teacher, Mr. Kakos, used the analogy of a funnel as the first paragraph: you have to lead the reader in the right direction and funnel down to specific examples in which your body paragraphs. Using this analogy, I guess what you could say I did was I had two funnels, and therefore could not guide the grader of my essay in the right direction- having only three minutes, the grader would probably get frustrated because it would be confusing, resulting in a low score.

Aside from that, I also think that I need to have better transitions between paragraphs: I support one point and then suddenly just play the devil's advocate, and contradict everything I'd just said. This would make sense if I declared I was going to do this in my introduction paragraph, but since I did not, the reader would be confused.

I think I also need to incorporate either more vivid descriptions (without sounding like I'm trying to impress the grader too much), and more descriptive vocabulary. As my essay is right now, there would be nothing stand out about it: there would be nothing to catch the reader's attention both point wise and description wise. I would probably receive a low score because of this.

It was an eye opener to take the perspective of the grader of the essay, where time is of the essence and therefore, essays must be graded accordingly.

Post 15: Lexicographer for Book One: Genesis

Format: *= word was seen twice, **= word was seen three times, etc.
(_) page number inside parentheses

brindled (1): having obscure dark streaks or flecks on a usually gray or tawny ground
copulation (1): noun form of: to engage in sexual intercourse
imperious (1): befitting or characteristic of one of eminent rank or attainments
: intensely compelling
confederated (13): to band together
contingency*(14): event or condition
: an event (as an emergency) that may but is not certain to occur
flout (15): to indulge in scornful behavior
surmise (16): a thought or idea based on scanty evidence
pandemony(23): (sp? I looked it up again in the book and it's spelled this way, yet there are no entries found in my dictionary). (probably related to:) pandemonium: hell
katydid (28): any of various large green American long-horned grasshoppers
edification (33): the act of instructing and improving, especially in moral and religious knowledge
dubious (33): of doubtful promise or outcome
gallimaufry (34): hodgepodge
aphasia (34): loss or impairment of the power to use or comprehend words usually resulting from brain damage
parable (39): a usually short fictitious story that illustrates a moral attitude or a religious principle
penance (42): an act of self-abasement, mortification, or devotion performed to show sorrow or repentance for sin
pestilence (58): a contagious or infectious epidemic disease that is virulent and devastating
desultory (59): marked by lack of definite plan, regularity, or purpose
castigated (59): to subject to severe punishment, reproof, or criticism
latent (61): present and capable of becoming though not now visible, obvious, active, or symptomatic
deluge* (61, 63): an overflowing of the land by water
palpitated (67): to beat rapidly and strongly
regaled (68): to entertain sumptuously
enema (69): the injection of liquid into the intestine by way of the anus
finagled (69): to obtain by trickery
putrefaction (70): the decomposition of organic matter
bedraggled (71): to wet thoroughly
bovine (73): ox-like, cow-like
putative (74): commonly accepted or supposed
: assumed to exist or to have existed
semaphore (74): an apparatus for visual signaling